Wife filed for divorce...Is there still hope?

[LSG]

PH and IDU,

I really appreciate the support you guys are giving me. It is very very difficult this week. My hearing for the divorce is August 16.

I think my W has been checking this site. I do not know what she has found yet. I do not know whether to check out, but I have been here to save my marriage and most of all myself. I come here to vent, have support, and learn. I need this place, and it has helped me so much.

What should I do if she is checking here?


Thanks!

[pinhead]

I don't worry about my wife finding this site. Nothing I write would damage our relationship. If she finds out, she finds out.

[LSG]

W has been checking up on me, and she found some thank you letters to her employer for an interview I had recently. It is in another building, so I will not be near her. She is really trying to find out what I am doing. I should have deleted them, but I try to keep my thank you letters for future letters as a template. I guess I should have just got rid of them. I want a job there for me. It has nothing to do with her. I wanted to be in this industry and company before she was hired.

I hope she does not sabotage my efforts. I really want to work, and I would like to work for this company too.

[SavingMyMarriage]

Hi LSG,

My W said some pretty mean things to me as well. I try to not take anything personally since it's the "affair" talking. I truly believe that they aren't thinking rationally since they are in this "other world". For example, my W said some things about me not meeting her needs only when she was having the affair. She's comparing a NEW R with a 6 year M. It sounds like your W is doing the same. For this reason, as much as it hurts, I am carefully choosing which things to work on, based on her "feedback". Some are true and some are "exaggerated" or maybe false. It's true though that I wasn't the best husband (always room for improvement) and that I made some stupid mistakes that I wish I could take back.


Anyway, hang in there. You can always ask her to go to one of those seminars or to see Michele. Just a thought...

The page jumps when I type these too. Sometimes it's easier to type in MS Word and then copy and paste.

Take care.

[LSG]

stephenm,

Hope is all I have or a miracle.

I try to be respectful of my kids mother, but it is so difficult to be respectful when she shows me so little respect in return. I will try to be respectful of her even while facing so much disrespect. I have to do my best for the kids and how this divorce is going to affect their future.

Thanks for keeping me headed on the right path again.

There is always tomorrow, right.

I wish you the best too.

[LSG]

Hi SaveMyMarriage,

Part of me believes that it is the A talking while another part of me wonders how she even became involved in the A in the first place. I think part of her is so wrapped in the A to see things from the eyes of the woman I married. Sure I have made mistakes, and things did not go as I planned and fast enough, but I do no believe I deserved to ever be cheated on. She keep telling me I need to take responsibility, and I told her I will take responsibility for my part in the R, but she will not discuss it with me.

I just don't think she is willing to do anymore for our marriage.


Thanks for the the help. It is helping me alot.

[LSG]

I am trying to figure out how to balance saving my marriage, and not losing my divorce. It is very difficult to keep the middle ground. I do not forsee reconciliation in the future if the D goes my way at the hearings. I believe that she will hate me forever. I have to risk this or lose my kids.

I still love my W and want my marriage, but I do not see the alternatives recently.

[LSG]

Journaling (July 27, 2010):

I found that at 9:11 pm, July 26, 2010, my W had 3 messages from OM on her new cell phone. She wanted to talk about finances, but we did not have the chance last night. I am not sure what this is about, but I guess I will find out today. She is becoming more and more agitated with the kids, and she is trying to take them more and more on the weekends. She also complained when I made dinner for me and the kids because I did not use the chicken she had for one of the dishes. I was not told what to use, so I used some food that I had bought before my temporary position ended. She still complained because she had planned to use it without letting me know. I did not care, but I did not appreciate her being upset over me trying to feed the kids when it was already 7:00 pm at night. The were hungry and needed to eat.

We have to go to a deposition for another case at our apartment. I really don't want to be in the car or with her today.

[LSG]

W and I had a court matter unrelated to the D. It started out with W wanting to talk about how we will divide the bank accounts and the credit cards on the way. I just said that the courts will decide these matters. She said that she wants to it be "diplomatic." I just said we will wait for the hearing to find out how diplomatic it will be.

after the court matter, we did talk more like we use to, and I did validate, and I did not argue about anything with her. I just listened to what she had to say. She asked if I knew where we where, and we had a decent time together. She did go to see our D and S at the church and said "hi" which she has not done before.

[LSG]

She said she is glad we both do not have attornies, and I told her that she could be glad about anything she wants to.

We had a nice dinner, and she bought me a soda.

She changed her attitude after she said she had something to do, and she was texting him in the bathroom again, so nothing has changed.

I had a little hope because I saw a glimmer of my W that I once adored and loved so much.

I have to follow through with the D. I do not know how to get her back to me. I still felt for the first time in a long time we could make it, but it quickly faded. It does not feel so good.

This was the first time we really talked to each other in months. Sadly, I believe we will not talk like this again.

It hurts me bad tonight! I will be okay.