Puppy Advice

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Just ignore the guy.

[DumpedforMIL]

at what point do i call the cops?

[SillyOldBear]

I'll offer the same advice I offered BobbiJo: the first thing you do is tell him explicitly that it didn't work out and you don't want him to contact you anymore. Those words: "Please don't contact me again. I won't reply to any communication."

This only works if you really don't reply, which sometimes takes more discipline than people think. It's also hard for most people to be explicit and not insert some polite "please and thank you" type words . . . which create mixed messages.

Keep in mind that when people talk about you sending mixed messages, what they really mean is that you left any kind of opening that someone could then apply the astounding power of wishful thinking and self-deception to, changing even frosty politeness into an invitation to keep trying.

[DumpedforMIL]

i may need to take SillyBear's advice.
another email came in "All good over there?".
i really don't want these emails coming in.

This only works if you really don't reply, which sometimes takes more discipline than people think.

how do you send that message if you don't reply? is ignoring enough?

It's also hard for most people to be explicit and not insert some polite "please and thank you" type words . . . which create mixed messages.

the first thing you do is tell him explicitly that it didn't work out and you don't want him to contact you anymore. Those words: "Please don't contact me again. I won't reply to any communication."

the quote you gave me has the word "Please" in it. would this be a mixed message?

vets, it's starting to scare me a bit because my fear is that the next email is going to be "why are you not responding to my email?!".

help me.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

WTF?

Tell him your are not interested in him, there is no attraction and for him to stop contacting you. If that doesn't work tell him you and H are reconciling.

[SillyOldBear]

You're right, and you see how ingrained it is--I actually thought I was being careful to exclude the word "please," but it slipped in there on me anyway. It probably wouldn't do any harm, but it isn't necessary and leaves open one more possibility for someone who really wants to believe in "mixed messages."

And I don't recommend simply not responding without telling him that you're not interested, because of exactly what you predict--he may (probably will) take the fact that he hasn't heard from you and spin it in the direction that he likes best. BobbiJo has blocked two email addresses her stalker-guy used to mail her, and he simply registered a new one and carried merrily on, sure it was all some sort of misunderstanding or maybe a lost packet on a server somewhere.
Even at that, simply ceasing to respond is better than responding . . . . sending your own message cutting him off completely and THEN ceasing to respond is best of all.

[steady]

You tell him that it didn't work out and you're not interested. You tell him to stop contacting him.

You save all texts and emails after that. If he continues to pursue you go to the police. You have to be absolutely sure you tell him you don't want him contacting you. Then do not, I repeat, do not contact him or respond to any of his texts or emails.

You need to keep the text msgs and the emails as evidence.

Welcome to the dating scene of the present time...

[DumpedforMIL]

if this is the dating scene of the present time, then count me out. this is too creepy, too much drama ..

i will take your advice. if another email rolls in tomorrow, i will have to put my foot down.

the creep is spinning it in his favor because even though i said i was obviously not ready for a relationship, he quickly responded with "i'm not asking you to be my girlfriend. relax. we can hang out as friends and see where it goes."

that's when i knew that he didn't get it.
he's not my type. i'm so not attracted to him.
and no, i don't want to be a 'friend with benefits' either. i'm not that kind of person.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I think you're being a little unfair, calling him a "creep." You DID, after all, change your mind ... no??

In any event, you don't need the drama, that's for sure.

Puppy

[steady]

...even though i said i was obviously not ready for a relationship, he quickly responded with "i'm not asking you to be my girlfriend. relax. we can hang out as friends and see where it goes."

By saying this you left the door open a little bit. If a man is interested he's going to step right through it.

...he's not my type. i'm so not attracted to him.

This is the thing. You should be straight and honest and should have told him that. It's direct, it's the truth, it's genuinely you. We get so hung up about worrying about someone else's feeling that we keep ourselves from being authentic. It's being authentic that leads us to the best places. The other people are adults, they are responsible for how they handle your honesty.

But it's all good. You just need to be perfectly clear if you need to respond to him again.