Had a great weekend with the kids. W got home a midnight Fri and had to be at work at 3:00 on Sat morning. I had a band gig Sat. and did not see her until Sun evening. She worked Sun a.m. at her regular job and went straight to her bartending job after that. The kids and I did our regular Sun thing and I took them swimming in the afternoon. W was supposed to work until 8:00. She txt me @ 3:00 saying it was slow at the bar and she was headed home. She asked what we were doing. My phone was in my truck and I didn't get the txt until 6:00 or so.(My phone is not permanantly attached to me like hers is ) I txt her to let her know where we were. She said she was going to lay down, she didn't feel good.(the kids said she threw up a few times on Sat.-maybe from partying too much?)
We got home @7:30 and I got the kids showered while she was sleeping. They wanted breakfast for supper and I told them that was a good idea, I would make eggs and bisquits and gravy and sausage when everyone was cleaned up. W woke up and immediately started in on a rampage. "They usually eat at 5:00, you mean you haven't fed them yet? It's too late for a big meal. This kitchen is a mess, let me clean up so I can find sh!t and I guess I'll make some fu#*ing sandwiches." The kids started fussing saying Dad said we could have breakfast for supper. That set her off even worse. She started throwing stuff around and cussing. I told her to go lay back down and I would take care of supper. She told the older boys to help her clean up. I again told her to go lay down, I didn't ask for help and she was only making things worse. She paid me no attention and continued on her merry way.
I took a shower and came back in the kitchen to hear her yelling at the kids for making too much of a mess cracking the eggs. She told them to go sit down, she would do it. I sat down with them and talked about the day and ignored her. The kids ate and went to watch T.V. I joined them while she cleaned up the kitchen.
Just wanted to add that I had done the dishes earlier in the day. The only dishes for her to clean up were from lunch. I also did laundry and cleaned up around the house. Not like she would, of course, but it was not a mess by any means.
Anyway, I walked through the kitchen with the kids swimming suits and towels so I could put them in the wash. She was cussing to her self about what a f#%^ing mess the kitchen was. I said, as I was passing through, "Next time, I will be sure to have everything spotless for you when you get home. Of course, you were not supposed to be home until 8:00 and I did not ask for your help. I can take care of the kids and the house on my own." I put the laundry in and went to play with the kids.
W took a shower and went to bed without another word to me.
BTW-the band is going great and is a welcome diversion from this mess. Get to meet lots of single women. It is true what they say about musicians . Breaking the ice is not a problem. I don't even have to go and seek anyone out and flirt, they usually come to me; "Aren't you in the band?" Automatic. Not anyone I would want to marry but the attention is nice.
Music is a great relaxer. I used to play bass in a band, but had given it up 6 years ago to spend more time with the family. I don't want to get back into that, but it sure was fun.
That must have been so uncomfortable for you and the kids the way your W was acting. It is just so unnecessary to be that way when you were trying to do something nice for the kids. I like doing breakfast for dinner sometimes. I am glad you had a good time with the kids.
My W was a little on the grumpy side with kids last night too.
It too will pass.
Have a great day and keep the calmness for yourself and the kids.
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
I loved to hear what you twin had to say! LOL!!! That is a great one. On Friday, my S said, "Mom is making a lot of bad decisions lately, isn't she." I had to laugh about that one too.
Her reactions and actions regarding dinner and cleaning up the kitchen are ridiculous too. It's funny that she can't let you take care of it on your own. Maybe she is coming to realize that she isn't so important to you guys after all. They all think that THEY have done EVERYTHING for US, and that WE would fail without them, but the fact is, we are completely capable of taking care of our kids and ourselves.
My W used to complain that if she was gone, we'd be surprised at how much there was to do or how messy the place would get. A little too self-important, methinks.
I'm glad to hear that you are able to ignore her and continue to have fun with the kids. They are a great salvation at this time for me too.
I'm also glad to hear that she is working and paying bills. My W refuses to go back to work full-time, doesn't have much $ for bills and then complains that I don't give her any money. What a crock!
Hang in there buddy! It's always good to hear from you.
I said, as I was passing through, "Next time, I will be sure to have everything spotless for you when you get home. Of course, you were not supposed to be home until 8:00 and I did not ask for your help. I can take care of the kids and the house on my own." I put the laundry in and went to play with the kids.
It's all just another reminder that our wives are in fantasy land. Mine has told me several times that the "kids would be better off if we got a D." What a crock. I agree that it is not good for the kids to see us like this. They pick up on a lot more that we think they do. We don't fight in front of them but I'm sure they have overheard some things. A D would be better than fixing the root problems? I don't think so. Especially not for the kids.
My W is a life long Catholic who always took her religion seriously. She walked the walk. I remember conversations we had when her bro. was going through a D and also my sister. She just couldn't understand why they couldn't work it out or even try to. We had two unexpected pregnancies and an abortion was never an option for either of us. Not to try to compare abortion and divorce, just to paint the picture of the way she used to be. And I'm sure that was part of my problem in thinking this can't happen to us. We had never had any big problems(that I new of) and I'm sure I didn't have the urgency in "fixing" little things because I felt(there's that freaky word) that we were always on the same page and we had enough faith and love that this stuff would never affect us.
HOW WRONG I WAS!
Quote:
I'm also glad to hear that she is working and paying bills. My W refuses to go back to work full-time, doesn't have much $ for bills and then complains that I don't give her any money. What a crock!
I'm glad she is, too. She didn't feel the urge until I blamed her for draining the savings, though. Now, she's working sometimes 16 hrs a day. Oh, well. Just that much less I have to be around her. I told her, not too long ago, that I wasn't interested in waiting around for her to sock some money away so she would be more comfortable when she left. She said all the extra money was to pay off OUR debts. So far she has made good on that claim. And if we are out of debt when the D happens, I guess that's not all bad.
I know I still should file myself. Not quite there yet.
I'm not here as much as I used to be but I can't seem to stay away for too long, you know? You guys do help me so much and, unfortunately, I still need some. I'm getting there.
I said, as I was passing through, "Next time, I will be sure to have everything spotless for you when you get home. Of course, you were not supposed to be home until 8:00 and I did not ask for your help. I can take care of the kids and the house on my own." I put the laundry in and went to play with the kids.
Puppy
Wow, a three whistle reply! I'm honored!
Now, if I could only follow through. I wish embracing the suck didn't suck so much.
No one I talk to, family, friends, pastor, therapist, really understand what I'm going through. One friend does, she divorced her husband because of infidelity. But other than that, this is the only place where people are going through the same things I am, feeling the same as I do. Part of me hates that, so many people hurting. But it brings me so much comfort.
) I txt her to let her know where we were. She said she was going to lay down, she didn't feel good.(the kids said she threw up a few times on Sat.-maybe from partying too much?)
. Breaking the ice is not a problem. I don't even have to go and seek anyone out and flirt, they usually come to me; "Aren't you in the band?" Automatic. Not anyone I would want to marry but the attention is nice.