Beyond Depression..but still a losing battle?

[Lucky11too]

I know I'll be fine without him in my head, but sometimes it's just hard to feel that way in your heart. H texted last night to ask if he could talk to S (S doesn't really talk yet, but tells his story in one word phrases - "pool", "owie", "plane", "moon", etc. haha) I'll called H for S, but let S do the talking (mostly). I put it on speaker phone and since I'm the only one that can understand S, I translated to H, but I tried to keep it a that. At the end, H tried to tell me about how he went to the gym yesterday and is going to have a long day today, so I just that was good and tried to move it to good bye. So that was that. I hope he's not using S to keep control of me, but I on the other hand, I won't play S against H, so I'm letting him keep that connection. I believe it is genuine tho & that he really does care about S. For us tho, it was a little discouraging b/c he sounded...well...good. I want him to be a little more anguished about "losing me". In past times, I could always hear the depression and anger in his voice. Hopefully, if I just give it time and keep it up, the loss will set in. Unless OW3 jumps in my place, I would hope next weekend will get lonely for him. It is what it is tho. I just need to keep reminding myself to hope for the best (H comes to his senses & realizes he needs me in his life) but plan for the worse (this really is the end & I have to let him go to OW3). I guess only time will tell now...