Beyond Depression..but still a losing battle?

[awest1217]

The hard part is how to confront him without him getting too mad. To be realistic, you have to be prepared that when you say something, he is going to hate you and the R will be over. He is not going to like that you checked the phone records so that is that.

It stinks that he is doing this to you after being so nice and loving to you. UGH!

[Lucky11too]

So...I possibly might just have ended my M right now. I'm going to miss the positive attention from him, but enough is enough, and obviously with OW3 involved, it's meaningless anyways. So like I said, last night, H called me to say that he wasn't going to be coming down as planned b/c he was too tired (from supposedly being at the gym til 5am and then working at 10:45) & that he was just going to go home and get to sleep early so that he could come see S today. Well, it is now 4:00 & not one word from H all day. So, I checked the phone records. (This is when I think a little snooping is ok, b/c otherwise I am completely naive & get played as a fool - but I just won't let snooping control my life) Last night, before he called me, he called OW3. It was erriely suspicous of what used to happen with OW1. He would call OW1 and then suddenly plans with me would be cancelled. Then later that night, he called a taxi (which meant he was drinking - but at least he is always smart enough not to drink & drive - pretty much the only brain sense he has). So yeah, not so much of being home and sleeping, huh? I furious for S too that he didn't come. I'm just glad I didn't mention anything to him about it or he would have been heartbroken. So anyways, enough is enough, so I just sent him a very long text message. Basically, loving but firm, bascially asking why he's been so nice to me (also about horoscopes saying we should be together) and what that means to him and saying how I would like an R with him, but then explained the pain he has caused for me from OW1, OW2, and now OW3, and while I can't control him, I can control myself and don't have to continue being hurt anymore. Ending with, "if you want to continue your R with her, there will be no us, so please do not contact me, except regarding S." The end! Yikes. I'm sure it's going to infuriate him, but this is serious. I can see things with OW3 getting more serious by the day so I need to end OW3 now or end us. It's a little scary though..the unknown. I don't know what's going to happen now, but no text back yet...

[Lucky11too]

Just got a response from H - "K. I'm not gonna fight or argue. I'm empty". So, I guess that's that. Still not chosing me... =/

[awest1217]

I am so sorry. Sounds a lot like what I did, however don't be surprised if you get a text in the next few days. You will have to figure out what to do in that case.

Once again I am so sorry. Try to relax tonight and see what happens.

[Lucky11too]

H texted right after that one saying how the decision would be so much easier if it weren't for S (I agreed thinking he meant D). He meant commiting suicide. Plus how everything he ever wanted crumbled right in front of him and that he has so much hate & anger inside that he is completely broken. I didn't really know what else to say to that, so I just said thank goodness for S then (so that he doesn't kill himself). Then said that everything he could possibly want is right in front of him with me and S that love him and all he has to do is grab it. Also, said understood that he has issues, but that when you care for someone, you work thru it together. I left it at that for some food for that. It's his choice now...

I'm trying not to second guess myself now. It needed to be addressed since OW3 was not going away & if anything, seemed to getting more serious. I feel like I just pushed him into her arms tho, but I just have to remember that I don't want him in my arms, if he's running to her right after he leaves me. Definitely feels very sucky tho. It's unfortunate too that he's in a down depression cycle too. =/ I am obviously handling it a lot better this time - I think that 1st week I was still just in such complete shock that there was an OW3. It sucks, but I expected this reaction today. Now I'm just going to try to unwind & read a good book & try to get to bed early. Arr, so furstrating tho. =/

[awest1217]

I am really sorry! Try to take care of yourself.

[Lucky11too]

Definitely trying to take care of myself. S is down for a nap right now, so I'm thinking about trying to do a little yoga. I'm feeling ok overall, but I found that I'm having a short temper today and jumped all over S earlier. I had to apologize to him b/c what he did wasn't deserving of my attack. So that showed me this H thing is still affecting me more than I would like to admit, but overall, I'm handling it.

H texted me later last night to see what our plans were for today so that he could come see S. I'm let him know we would be going to church and then would be having pool time. (like I told him in the text, S is still the #1 priority, so whatever we can do to make his life better). I got a text from H a little bit ago saying that he had overslept (how can he get up on time for work but not for his S?) & asked how much longer S would be up before his nap. S just had a little longer before nap time as we were finishing up pool time then we were on our way inside for lunch. I didn't hear back after that, so I had to text again to see if he was coming, so that I wouldn't have just put S down for a nap & have H show up. H said that he was not coming b/c he didn't think he would have enough time to hang out with him anyways by the time he got ready and drove down. Actually, very true. S ended up falling asleep in his highchair during lunch! But at least in that sense, he was respecting my wishes & keeping it only about S. Before he would have come down anyways and tried to be all flirty. It's obviously a little lonely aready, but it is what it is, and that's the choice he's made. =/

[awest1217]

I know how hard it is, but you will bounce back quickly and who knows what will happen if you really focus on this boundary. Maybe H will change his mind, but for right now, you will be good without him.

[Lucky11too]

I know I'll be fine without him in my head, but sometimes it's just hard to feel that way in your heart. H texted last night to ask if he could talk to S (S doesn't really talk yet, but tells his story in one word phrases - "pool", "owie", "plane", "moon", etc. haha) I'll called H for S, but let S do the talking (mostly). I put it on speaker phone and since I'm the only one that can understand S, I translated to H, but I tried to keep it a that. At the end, H tried to tell me about how he went to the gym yesterday and is going to have a long day today, so I just that was good and tried to move it to good bye. So that was that. I hope he's not using S to keep control of me, but I on the other hand, I won't play S against H, so I'm letting him keep that connection. I believe it is genuine tho & that he really does care about S. For us tho, it was a little discouraging b/c he sounded...well...good. I want him to be a little more anguished about "losing me". In past times, I could always hear the depression and anger in his voice. Hopefully, if I just give it time and keep it up, the loss will set in. Unless OW3 jumps in my place, I would hope next weekend will get lonely for him. It is what it is tho. I just need to keep reminding myself to hope for the best (H comes to his senses & realizes he needs me in his life) but plan for the worse (this really is the end & I have to let him go to OW3). I guess only time will tell now...

[awest1217]

Also, you haven't ever really left him so he may not really understand what is happening. It may take time for him to realize that you really are gone. Just hang in and stick to your boundary. If he moves on to OW3 so easily you don't need him.

I know it is all hard to tell your heart, but in time you will heal. Just try to have some fun and take care of you.