Back and a bit worse off

[ericmsant2]

Still

I left Sunday

Why did you leave dude. She wants the D - let her pack her [censored] and go. It is tough to remain in the house. I know first HAND BUT it can be done.

Now that you are gone, you need to really detach and focus on you. You are going to go through so many emotions it's not funny. Anger, grief, sorrow, depression, etc. As much as you may not want to feel these you must. You must in order for YOU to move FORWARD (notice I did not say move ON).

bit of "I hope this kicks her in the shins a bit and wakes her up." in the back of my mind,

First off, your W is probably not stupid. She may have already had a plan in place if and when you left. So the hoping it kicks her statement is just wasted energy IMO. It show that you do have some anger BUT it also shows that you have not detached yet.

but I tried to push that down as best I could

Suppress anger become DEPRESSION. You have every right to be pissed off dude. You MUST find an outlet to let it out. Otherwise, trust me it will come out and it will come out directed at HER. BEEN there done that. As much as it may feel good to let it rip....give her a piece of your mind it really serves no purpose but to harm YOU. That's right - it will hurt YOU. You see, she has already detached. She is already gone emotionally. Probably left a long time ago. You have not. You were just hit with a brick and your spinning right now. So the anger that you have and that may come out would only go to "validate" why she is leaving you.

My main reason was that my couselor and a couple good friends told me I needed to get out now.

Do you always do what your friends tell you to do? Just asking. Did you really want to leave? Did YOU want to leave the kids there? Do you want to go over when she is at work and sit in the house that you probably pay for to spend time with your kids only to go home by yourself? Is this really what you wanted? Seriously dude - I had to tell my friends to F' off. Yeah, they love me, yeah they do not want to see me hurt BUT THEY DO NOT LIVE MY LIFE - I do.

I have a pretty big mouth and am an emotional guy.

So do I - Guess what YOU better get a handle on this NOW. Let me repeat...YOU BETTER GET A HANDLE ON THIS NOW. Oh...let me repeat....YOU BETTER GET A HANDLE ON THIS NOW.

Getting information to lawyers to draw up today and should be ready for her approval by the end of the week.

What happen to all the...i love this women...I want her back...I will wait forever stuff? Why are YOU pushing the D? Is this what YOU want? I bet not. I am almost sure that you do not want the D.

Still - I am going to be straight with you dude - YOUR NOT READY FOR A D. Your not. You think you are but trust me your not. Know what you are?

PISSED THE F OFF cause your W may be popping someone else. Yep. I know this feeling very well. Oh....the anger...how it consumes you. You probably spend your days thinking about what he looks like, does he make as much money as you, shi* does he have a bigger...well you get my point. I know man.. I have been there.

Still - your not ready. Hold off on the D for now. Sit back and let her drive for a bit. She wants the D - well then let her do the work. She want's this...let her own it. "Own it" what does that mean. It means that SHE will need to be responsible for the fall out of this D. She will need to own it. She will need to look in the mirror one day and ask herself the same question that you MUST ask yourself right now....."did i live up to my vows...did I really do the work...did i give it all I had...or did I quit cause I was a fuc*ing coward. I was too afraid to look at myself...I was so easy to run"..

Still, ask yourself these questions, ask yourself and don't answer ME, answer yourself cause it is YOUR LIFE.

Gotta go make breakfast for my D, I'll be back a little later.

Oh....one other point I want to leave you with...You know "US" big mouth emotional people. Often we fuc* things up because we never seem to keep our mouths shut. It is usually a sign of control. Control at it's root is based in FEAR and INSECURITY. The real test of a man is the ability to keep his MOUTH SHUT and let his actions do the talking. So dude, what kind of man do YOU want to be?

God Bless,
Eric