Here's another wrinkle to our sitch. My wife is very slow in making any decisions towards separating. Oh, she's decided we should, but her actions are slow. She seems to be taking her time in finding a place to stay, figuring out her budget, etc.
Should I just let things roll, or should I push her towards a speedier separation?
it's not a wrinkle, it's called living in limbo, a lot of WAS's do this, they take their time because they can't make a decision whether or not to stay or go.
robx,
What they will usually do. Is THEY WILL LEAVE. However their physical body will stay. The entire point is they are going to at first enjoy having this other life, and then it will grow to surpass the life you have with them. At some point after the life with the affair partner is bigger and more important than the marriage, they will push for a further and deeper committment from the affair partner. They will keep you around as a backup plan in case things go awry. This is where the slices of cake are the fattest and greasiest. You the spouse will be pining for them, concerned about them, just wanting them to come home... They may feed you scraps of crumbs if they are being nice. "Why is he so needy?" they think to themself.
I think what robx and many are coming to now, is not to be a backup plan. Once they have made that strong departure, and you are cake - you should be getting your life on order, and maybe even start dating yourself. Show them, that you don't need them. Actually, don't even show them that you don't need them, show yourself that you don't need them. TAKE THE CAKE AWAY. They don't deserve it.
At the end of the day, marriage was a choice. We all knew going into it that there are others with stronger virtues of one kind or another, there was the combination of things in the spouse or how they made us felt that caused us to make them the choice for our life.
Just as we made that choice, and it was a decision made because of how we wanted it to be. Once they have proven over and over again that they will not take us serious, that they do not have concern for the relationship - it is time for us to want something else. We don't do it for them, we do it for us.
I hope that god will allow your spouse to see the error of her ways, and to regain her senses and to come home fully. Accepting what pain she has dished, and to have guilt for her transgressions.
The truth is many of us are here on this board in limbo, until we are released or we release ourselves.
