feelings as OW seems to be on way out

[forward]

Well, my sig pretty much sums things up. The OW is going to move 300 miles away. I don't know if she is breaking up w/X or if she'll be back periodically to carry on the charade, but it's not looking good for their R.

X has been sick. I imagine that it was hard for him to keep a 20-something adequately entertained. I believe she basically used his expertise to get ahead professionally. Now he is probably coming off as boring and old and, well, she has what she wants out of him, so it's time to discard him.

I am glad because I don't want D around OW--the less frequently, the better. And I guess part of me is glad to see the sugar daddy theory did seem to be the case. But D did have some feelings for OW (not that it ever seemed to occur to X that it wouldn't be a good idea to introduce them).

But as far as my own feelings...well, I guess I do feel for X. Not for the breakup, but for the fact that he is going to be alone with no family, very few, if any, friends, and no R. He has the same job that he hated, no money, no furniture (because MLCers can live under a rock, after all) and a hot, smelly apartment.

I would imagine there might be another OW soon as I am not sure if X can stand being alone.

I do have some concern that X might go to where OW is and truly abandon our D. HOwever, that would require initiative of a type he has seldom demonstrated.

And...what a waste. I don't know if X will ever see it that way, but what a waste.

I have to admit that part of me wishes that X would come around...but I don't know if I can stand to think about that any more.

So I move on, continue dating, but gosh. I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I feel some twinges here. It's harder than I thought.

[braveheart]

Forward, I guess we can't help the way we feel, but I do hope that you use your common sense in this situation. Lets get real here, you DB'd your tail off, waited, hoped, and prayed, but yet your XH didn't move an inch. I personally have zero sympathy for him or others like him. After all, he got what he wanted and how can you feel sorry for someone when they get what they want. Anyway, I do hope you move on with your life.

[forward]

Yeah, BH, I know. I just wouldn't be honest if I didn't admit that it made me pause.

But it's not as if X has shown a twinge of regret or remorse. For that matter, he continues to defend OW in the rare counseling sessions that we do have.

Even if X did show any regret or remorse or the slightest inclination to return, I would question whether he is doing so because he is in a difficult situation, or because he actually misses me. I was basically treated as the annoying person that X was stuck with, and that's a hard thing to get past.

Also, I suspect that X and OW are still an item, even though she is moving away.

But...I have to admit that this situation made me pause as I do feel for him; it also makes me feel some of the loss and pain again.

With all that said, I am also realizing that one person I met is beginning to interest me further.

[TRUSTING]

Well it is not a surprise that the relationship is dwindling, come on a 20 year old!

There is only one thing they could have in common and that goes away real quick after time.

You don't know how this will play out or where you will be when this does. Just enjoy life, follow a good path and you will know what to do. Sometimes we spend so much time on the what ifs......

It is normal to feel a twinge as well as to feel sorry for what they are going through. That is what makes you so much more mature and unconditional than him.

There is a time however when the negative starts to outweigh the positive. I think I am at that point. It just gets to be a little ridiculous. Only God knows our plan. We just have to listen and follow.

[forward]

Trusting: She's a bit older than that, but not much.

I admit that it is hard to have true closure. Part of me would like to have the conversation where X expresses remorse and regret. I don't think that feeling will go away. This doesn't mean that I am longing for reconciliation. It is more of a longing for some validation of the R, which did comprise 18+ years of my life.

I think minimal contact is best; this forces us to deal and grow in the ways that we needed to, as well.

And so I will accept the latest date I was offered.

[TRUSTING]

Forward,
I agree, some closure would be nice. It is weird I have these dreams in which ex apologizes and shows regret for what he has done. I wake up in the morning feeling so much better.

My ex has shown no sign of remorse for what he has put everyone through. Prior to mid-life crisis, he was always the first to apologize.

I am way beyond longing for reconciliation. I would just like to know if ex has any happy memories or misses the family unit.

[forward]

Trusting, I understand exactly what you are saying.

But I also think that if X actually did come forward and say anything--which will be more likely w/OW out of the day-to-day picture--it would only open up a lot of pain. Sooo...maybe it wouldn't be closure, but a painful rehash with a lot of Whys.

I'm not sure that I could ever fully get over X's comments to me and about me. I might be able to get over the infidelity, but remarks about not ever really loving me are another story. Even if said in immature MLC tantrum outbursts.

[TRUSTING]

I totally understand what you are saying.

The infidelity is such a small part of all the damage.

Trusting again would be quite a challenge for me, but I know it has been done.

[Seeing Red]

It's the cruelty and thoughtlessness that's unforgiveable. We all say and do stupid things that hurt others sometimes. But to get up EVERY morning for months and even years and deliberately seek to hurt your spouse? And then justify the behavior to yoursef?

Incomprehensible.

There is NO excuse.

[forward]

I think that the news just gave me a jolt. I should add: this doesn't mean that X and OW are breaking up. I'm not sure what it is going to mean for them. As I thought about it, the way I was told seems to indicate that X is just as addicted to her as ever and "She'll be gone for two years." Is he waiting for her? Probably. But if she's smart, she'll leave his sorry @ss behind.

I really don't know what it means except that X will be spending a significant amount of time alone now.

As far as infidelity...I'm able to realize that it had a lot less to do with me than it did w/X.

Oh well, it is not as if X has indicated any kind of interest. I think that would actually hurt worse after all this damage.