SunnyD, your post is really inspirational. I find that I need to avoid alone time, or I tend to dwell too much on what's happening. I also agree about the faking it part. Spouses can usually see right through it, and when I really gave up is when my behaviour changed. My W notices this too, though she doesn't know what to do with it since it's a real 180. Normally I would be pursuing her like crazy, and I think a part of her wants me to.
BUT!
I can't. I can't go back to being a boy who is too shy at the dance to ask out the girl. This relationship needs to run its course, including separation, and if need be, D. I hope not, but my hope is different than my actions. I have to prepare to be alone, and really just a coparent with my wife.
Knowing this gives me a lot more comfort than when I was microanalyzing every word and action my wife did.
Exercise has been a boon too. Makes you feel much better to see real progress in one area of your life. Church has been essential for me too, though I get very emotional at services. In some ways I hope that doesn't change.
