A new day ... or something equally cliche ....

[cat04]

I look at boundaries as tools to help you down the path.

Grit,

Boundaries are tools that help you down the path, the path of life, not just the path of standing.

Run away (leave your M)

Or

Stand and fight...


...Leaving you confirm you are a victim and you give your power and your self repsect away. IMO...

...Which choice takes more courage and which leads to greater self respect, honor and integrity?

Listen Grit, you said all of the stuff I quoted.

Let me ask you something...

I stood, for a very long time, I still stand for me...

I did, however, reach my breaking point for my M. It was a boundary. Not a spoken one, one that I don't know that I was really consciously aware of, until I reached it.

I stood through women, emotional abuse, phyical abuse of myself, degrading words, and horrible actions. This was on and off since 1998. None of it was ever enough to make me walk away. One thing was. He hit my S. Out of anger. Anger at me, that he took out where he knew it would hurt me the most.

For me, it was one action, one day. I fought myself for a long time. I actually began posting again after that because I was looking for a reason to continue standing. Trying to convince myself...

What I realized while I was posting, was that I was moving away from standing for the M and learning how to stand for MYSELF.

That took more courage and strength than anything else I had done or been through in all of the years previous.

I do not have anger or unforgivness for my H. It is completely the opposite. I love him still. I always will. I hope that he can get himself together, to a better place for him.

So did I "run away" and not face my fears?

Did I not stand and fight long enough?

Did I confirm myself as a victim?

Did I give away my self respect or did I find it?

You really are looking at this as black and white...

It isn't, and boundaries are as much for those that are strong as those that are getting stronger...

They are a necessary part of life.