Another morning that I'm alive, and that I have time to spend with my daughters. I meet with an attorney today, and hopefully that'll help clarify some of my financial responsibilities. I also have to talk with a personal injury lawyer about my car accident. What a fun day...
I'm down to 196lbs, 23lbs lighter than on Bomb Day, and about 40lbs since I started trying to slim down. Got sunburned working on the yard yesterday, but hopefully I won't peel like a snake.
My wife clearly notices that I'm not hovering around her, getting involved in every detail of what she's doing. I think she misses that, despite her claiming that I was "in her face." There are lots of things she's going to miss. I just want this over as quickly as possible, so that my daughters can adjust and be happier. So that I can adjust and be happier.
For everyone else about to enter Limbo Land, beware. It's the worst part of the entire progression. It's where your hope and faith are twisted, where your self esteem and self confidence are truly tested. Find faith in church, family and friends to get through it.
Here's another wrinkle to our sitch. My wife is very slow in making any decisions towards separating. Oh, she's decided we should, but her actions are slow. She seems to be taking her time in finding a place to stay, figuring out her budget, etc.
Should I just let things roll, or should I push her towards a speedier separation?
it's not a wrinkle, it's called living in limbo, a lot of WAS's do this, they take their time because they can't make a decision whether or not to stay or go.
robx,
What they will usually do. Is THEY WILL LEAVE. However their physical body will stay. The entire point is they are going to at first enjoy having this other life, and then it will grow to surpass the life you have with them. At some point after the life with the affair partner is bigger and more important than the marriage, they will push for a further and deeper committment from the affair partner. They will keep you around as a backup plan in case things go awry. This is where the slices of cake are the fattest and greasiest. You the spouse will be pining for them, concerned about them, just wanting them to come home... They may feed you scraps of crumbs if they are being nice. "Why is he so needy?" they think to themself.
I think what robx and many are coming to now, is not to be a backup plan. Once they have made that strong departure, and you are cake - you should be getting your life on order, and maybe even start dating yourself. Show them, that you don't need them. Actually, don't even show them that you don't need them, show yourself that you don't need them. TAKE THE CAKE AWAY. They don't deserve it.
At the end of the day, marriage was a choice. We all knew going into it that there are others with stronger virtues of one kind or another, there was the combination of things in the spouse or how they made us felt that caused us to make them the choice for our life.
Just as we made that choice, and it was a decision made because of how we wanted it to be. Once they have proven over and over again that they will not take us serious, that they do not have concern for the relationship - it is time for us to want something else. We don't do it for them, we do it for us.
I hope that god will allow your spouse to see the error of her ways, and to regain her senses and to come home fully. Accepting what pain she has dished, and to have guilt for her transgressions.
The truth is many of us are here on this board in limbo, until we are released or we release ourselves.
I wish I could find evidence of either a PA or an EA. Not that I would be acting any differently, but there's just a part of any LBS that really wants to know what's going on.
When she gets back from her Couples Weekend next weekend, I'll tell her that I plan on keeping the house, and that she should start planning to move out soon. She's put in some applications at the subsidized housing in town (her low income will qualify her) but those have a 3-6 month waiting list.
I don't want to kick her out, but 6 months of this will just be stupid. It'll hurt our kids, who are always asking me why we are always so angry. For their sake, this can't linger.
I'm not being needy and groveling. I take care of my stuff, I interact with her when necessary, but I'm living my own life now, just under the same roof.
I won't date until we're legally separated. Just can't do that. Doesn't mean I'm not looking around, and trying to have as much fun as possible, but for me to start dating 30 days after she dropped The Bomb, seems like I'm trying to replace her, something that will take awhile.
I wish I could find evidence of either a PA or an EA. Not that I would be acting any differently, but there's just a part of any LBS that really wants to know what's going on.
When she gets back from her Couples Weekend next weekend, I'll tell her that I plan on keeping the house, and that she should start planning to move out soon. She's put in some applications at the subsidized housing in town (her low income will qualify her) but those have a 3-6 month waiting list.
I don't want to kick her out, but 6 months of this will just be stupid. It'll hurt our kids, who are always asking me why we are always so angry. For their sake, this can't linger.
I'm not being needy and groveling. I take care of my stuff, I interact with her when necessary, but I'm living my own life now, just under the same roof.
I won't date until we're legally separated. Just can't do that. Doesn't mean I'm not looking around, and trying to have as much fun as possible, but for me to start dating 30 days after she dropped The Bomb, seems like I'm trying to replace her, something that will take awhile.
DATE, its a huge stress reliever. The actions your wife is taking will strip you of dignity, of confidence, will even affect your looks. If you don't want to cheat on your spouse, don't cheat. Simply spend time with the opposite sex, someone who appreciates your company.
Why the hell is she going on a "couples weekend", without being part of a couple? You should be there. Are you sure that she isn't going to be coupled up with someone else?
I don't like that friend who keeps pushing your wife to D you. I'd really have a bunch of satisfaction telling her a few words in her ear.
In my case, its a Butch Lesbian aunt thats been the biggest devil in my life. I want to speak to her kindly and softly and explain to her, I have something that she never will. A certain piece of equipment between my legs, and a nice one at that. That if I use it on her, over time she may come to her feminine senses and realize that she is a female, not a male. I will stretch and excersise certain parts of herself that haven't been used in years. She will never be a man.
I want to say it completely without anger and softly and in my kindess tone. There is nothing she can say or do to reverse this.
I want her to visualize, me as a man, putting her back the way god intended her. LOL. Sounds mean, but she has been the agent of destruction in my situation, over and over and over again - building up a huge plug of confidence off of me, my family and my children.
I doubt that she's hooking up with anyone at this weekend thing. It's just a bunch of her high school girlfriends with spouses and SOs. I wouldn't want to go, even if she invited me. I don't like her BFF after what I believe she's told my W over the years, and most of her high school friends are small town, kind of boring folks. I would be uncomfortable, even if we weren't in the process of separating.
Why the hell is she going on a "couples weekend", without being part of a couple? You should be there. Are you sure that she isn't going to be coupled up with someone else?
I agree.
This "couples" weekend, I doubt she's going alone.
Speak to her, tell her this, "...this "couples" weekend you're attending, if you happen to be going with some guy in place of me, make sure you pack your stuff and move out before you leave for that weekend because you won't be coming back here after that weekend - now you know. I won't ever tolerate that crap in my life, once you cross that line, keep moving in that direction because you aren't allowed back, like I said, now you know, you have no excuses."
Going single to a "couples" weekend, I don't think so.
One, I'll never be able to prove she was there with someone. Two, she's going to move out anyways, so this wouldn't be an issue to her, other than a slight acceleration in her plans.
