Thank you! Yes, I came to piecing back when H was lying to me, saying we were in MC to give our M an honest chance, and later got a second bomb he had a gf the whole time and wasn't coming back.
I may go to MLC - like I said, my friends here have been wonderful.
I will read the resources and the newbies - thank you.
My new thought today that Mr. SuddenlyNice is a manipulative ploy for control, just as his anger has been. Another lie. Our final MC session, before he refused to return, over a month ago, ended with me saying that if we can't communicate respectfully over issues with S, then we will have to go to mediation. The MC said this too.
Suddenly he's so nice and appearing to work with me (however minimally and from a distance) over S issues. But it hit me today when I spoke with a friend - OF COURSE. HE'S SCARED OF ME GOING TO MEDIATION OR TO COURT and saying what an unreasonable, abusive man he has been. So it's an act. This is quite likely.
I still suffer the anxiety attacks when we are to have handoffs with S, waiting for Mr. Hyde to return. I realized he is trying to pacify me into believing he is going to be reasonable, thereby demonstrating there's "no need to go to lawyers and mediators."
But I don't trust him. He was also this nice before "bomg #2" hit me. I'm struggling with wanting to believe in this nice guy, the guy I fell in love with and knew during our M when things were good. But I must remember.
I feel I was manipulated into signing the legal separation agreement quickly out of 1) my own hope at reconsiliation 2) his continuing to lead me on that this may happen and 3)intermitten anger outbursts of threatening me with more serious legal actions and 4) my guilt at my part in the destruction of our M and my hope that if I changed, he would see the changes and return.
Today he said something weird. Last week, S had said that dad yelled at him and when he told dad not to yell, H said "mom yells too." (blame). I did not tell H of this interaction but I did react and sent a txt saying that I would like to talk about discipline strategies so that we are on the same page. It was vague, but somehow he figured it out.
H responded that he would talk "briefly on the phone" about this issue, but has yet to set a time and follow through. But today at the hand off he says that S told HIM that mom yelled at him and threatened him, and that "of course" he doesn't believe S but we "need to be on the same page" regarding discipline so that we "both" don't believe S when he says these things.
At first, I was glad he was interested in talking about discipline strategies, (I basically want him to stop yelling at S). Then later I thought this may be a manipulation to say "S says these things about you and I"m willing to agree that they aren't true if you are willing to believe they aren't true when S says them about me." I thought this is his way of covering his own a$$. As well as appearing to be nice.
I also thought this could be a way of him telling me that he has ammunition against me as well, so don't use those statements against him legally.
I told him immediately that I have worked extremely hard at keeping my voice calm even when I'm firm. I told him one of my biggest regrets about our M was that S heard us fighting so much and I've worked hard to change this in myself. H actually rubs my back for a sec and says "Why are you getting defensive, you seem tense. I just want to talk about it."
AS much as I want to believe this is true, I just can't/ I am so afraid this is the soothing, hypnotic hiss of a snake in the grass.
