Quote: you are not at all full of crap...what you say is absolutley true...thing is h put another twist into it all by having his a and leaving.
The “crap” part is that by referring to the commonality of peoples’ situations, it glosses over the individual circumstances. And whether my thoughts on phases is valid or not, it doesn’t help you one little bit – unless it helps you to hang on with respect to the “will he ever wake up” part of your situation.
Quote: sad but I contiuosly see h traveling toward the r his mom and dad have...heck they don't actually live together but are not sep or d'd or even heading that way...she is always off doing her own thing and he is alone watching tv..calling here and there to find out where she is. sad and not the life I want and when I have asked h, it is not the life that he wants but I do feel us headed that way.
I see my W’s parents’ marriage the same way, and from the way W talks about it, it’s “normal.” So I understand what you’re saying perfectly. I’ve silently and ever so slowly started to reconcile myself to the fact that this may be what lies in store for me.
Quote: or will I decide (intentionally or not) at some point that the pain however residual just isn't going away and I don't want to bear it any longer? not saying that is going to happen but what if?
Yes, what if?
All I can say about that is that it’s something I’ve considered myself. As depressing as it sounds, I know from my own musings and from emails from a DB friend that parallel living may be the best available alternative. The problem with deciding that you can’t bear the pain any longer is that splitting doesn’t make the pain go away. In certain respects it’s worse. Financial considerations, and child rearing are two examples.
But that’s me, LL. I know others who have thrived after a split.
