Can I ask you how did you come to the inner peace in yourself? What helped you come to realize?
Thanks from a real newbie who has not read or got the book yet..
A lot of things lead to this inner peace and I'm sure it's different for everyone. For me:
- Reading DR as well as other books that support gaining self-respect and taking the high road to get through this.
- Regular prayer, bible reading, journaling, and support from this forum as well as a good friend that supports marriage and helps me think things through.
- I sought help through a family therapist (FT) for 7-8 weeks.
- Truly getting outside my problems and GAL! I started school 4 days a week, began daily exercise, eating right, finding things to do with the kids whether H wanted to come along or not. I'm contemplating going back to work - either part time or full-time, depending on sitch. I'm doing projects around the house that normally I would've asked H to do. I'm even going to Home Depot to take some classes! I started with all the things I truly felt I need to change - that H had valid points on: keeping the house better, cooking more, better attitude and mood with children. I went for medical checkups and sought help for depression issues.
- Not talking to H about relationship unless he brings it up. Even then, I go into self-preservation mode, not allowing myself to become emotional or upset. I stand strong. I am civil, but I do not pursue. I do not let his moods/actions rule mine. I do not argue with him. I say as little as possible and what I do say, is brief, to the point, reasonable, and unapologetic.
- Mental stimulation: If I start feeling sad, I allow myself a short time to feel sad and grieve, but I set a timer and that's it. After that, I pick up a book or run an errand, or do something that requires my mind to be active and thinking of something other than my marital issues.
- Help other people. Nothing makes you feel better like helping someone who is worse off than you, in whatever way.
These are just some thoughts - certainly not a "program for success" but these things have helped me tremendously.
