I think you should take your focus OFF of him totally. Do what is healthy and productive for 8 and her healing and for her GAL and enjoyment of the rest of the summer. Don't worry a bit about what HE is thinking or needs from any of this...NOT your problem anymore. There is no rush to move on any of the D stuff, unless there are things you need to do to protect yourself, right? You don't have to push for any of it, unless it benefits YOU in some way. And you don't have to be his friend either.
It's hard not to think about things I should do or could do. I'm a doer and a planner, and I hate to sit and wait for things to happen to me. But you're right--I don't need to focus any of my attention and energy on him.
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His refusal to speak with your IC is probably a reaction of fear...fear that he will have to admit blame for his part of this and he's not man enough to do that yet. Stems back to his staunch refusal to go to MC with you too. He knows in his heart that there IS fault on his end...just doesn't want to own anything. He's grown accustomed in his mind to blaming you for everything, and all of the smileys and superlatives may be his lame attempt to convey to you how "great" his life is now. Whatever.
Good points here on the talking to or seeing a counselor. He hasn't ever admitted to any part he may have had in our difficulties. All my fault.
As for the smileys and exclamation points, I can see that he would want to show me how upbeat and happy he is. I also think that it's a way to show me that even though he walked away, he still wants me to like him. Just look how friendly he's being! How could I NOT like him? Yeah.
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If one day, WAY down the road, H chooses to grow up and join the world of mature human beings, you have the opportunity to reopen that door to him. IF, that is, you still want to.
I won't hold my breath that he'll come out of his arrested development any time soon. (A wise person used that phrase several weeks ago).
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Your "what if's" and "If only's" sound to me like you still harbor WAY more of your share of blame for the demise of the R--CUT THAT OUT!!!
Yes, ma'am. Ha ha!
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You may NEVER in this lifetime hear him admit his role or utter a real apology.
Right again. I won't hold my breath on this one, either.
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I have all the compassion in the world for you, sister, we're birds of a feather. If I were in your shoes, I'm sure I'd be doing the same things, so ((((EIGHT))))
--silver
Thank you for your compassion. I don't have to tell you how frustrating it all is!
I guess the questions of what to do (if anything) have come after recently rereading some of my notes, portions of my books from my ridiculously extensive self-help library, and some postings here. These made me start to question things and second guess myself.
I'm tired. He has exhausted me. I'm tired of wondering what will come next. I'm tired of being disgusted by his lack of commitment to our marriage. I'm just plain tired.
Thanks for popping in on me. This was just what I needed. We'll get caught up further on the alt. I'm getting tired of doing home improvement projects, too. It's time to spend several hours a day on the computer!
