Training for a Marathon, Hoping for a Sprint

[lookin4support]

Puppy, I am going to try something different for me. I am going to ask your advice before I do something instead of telling you about it and hearing your opinion on what I did.

I am changing the rules on her and am not sure how, or if, I should let her know. I have told her up until now that I was going to wait as long as it took, and that she was always welcome to come home if she wanted or needed to. The last two weeks of very limited contact has enlightened me and caused my views to change.

First, I am going to begin with the process of filing, figuring it will end up taking 4-6 weeks before that happens and another similar period before we get before a judge. Also, I have decided that our (my) home is no longer an option for her, even if she leaves the OM. She will need to be in an apartment while we figure out if we can solve the problems that led to her leaving in the first place. This is a drastic change and my inclination is to let her know that the rules are different. However, none of this probably matters in her mind because she is where she wants to be and isn't coming back anyway.

So, do I tell her, or just wait for the off chance that it occurs and address it then? Also, do I let her know in advance to expect info from my attorney, or do I let her be surprised by it? All indications are that the division of assets is going to be painless and she will probably not even use an attorney. She does trust me in this area and I will not betray that trust. Regardless of what she has done, my integrity will remain intact throughout this process.

Interested in your thoughts and those of anyone else who would like to chime in.