So she is now texting me trying to be cordial at times and takes any repsonse as an attack. She then texts me " I am going to take a nap in your bed" test, reaction none. No reply what so ever
I did tell her she dwells too much on the past, holds a grudge all the time and can't just let go(said this last night)
I did forget to mention when I did hold her and kiss her forhead she didn't pull away, rob but she did just start balling like a baby.
I feel the detaching shows her I can move on, but at the same time does it go against wanting to fight for her? (Something she obviously feels I don't do enough of?
When she tests you like this, consider it a game, have fun with it, she tells you she's going to take a nap in your bed, you do one better, tell her "give me 30min and I'll come home and we can cuddle together LOL ;-)"
And if she texted back something like "I don't think so", you would text her back, "yeah I already changed my mind about this too, no worries ;-)" and don't forget to include the winks.
LOL!
Yes that is bordering on being an a$$hole but I figure it's nice to show you don't take everything she does seriously, it's good to show you're emotionally stable, and have a good sense of humor, a lot of other guys would go "melty man" as puppy calls it, going weak in the knees and professing their undying love on bended knee to a woman that is openly rejecting him. Don't be that guy... ever!
Don't be telling her what she does, what she does is her responsibility, don't act as a hallway monitor recording all of her actions, that won't gain you any brownie points.
I get it, she does dwell on the past too much, she does hold a grudge and can't just let go of the past.... guess what, most WAS's are exactly the same way as this. You just discovered North America, Christopher Columbus ;-)
Don't bother telling her these things, it will look too much like you telling her she's wrong, she's in love with her feelings, I told you this, from her point of view, in her perception of reality, she is 100% right even if she's wrong. Go against her feelings and you go against her, you won't to be agreeing with her feelings because then you get on the good side of her feelings, otherwise you will just continue to argue. We went through this already, don't you remember the other day how you avoided all of those arguments, what did it cost you? Nothing, all you did was agree with her and not defend yourself and you saved yourself the stress and wasted energy of arguing with a woman who is currently committed to seeing everything wrong about you. Not a smart move.
If you held her and she didn't push you away, let her ball her head off while you hold her, it shows you're strong, and it shows that she trusts you to some extent to allow herself to be vulnerable with you. Don't read to much into it and just leave it as is, one incident where you were there for her.
The detaching shows you're moving on. There are other things you can do to move on as well but let's take one step at a time here. Showing her that you're fighting for her would be a form of pursuit, and she will push you away and run away from you regardless of what she says. To get her feelings to the point where she is feeling that she wants to be with you, she will pursue you, she will want to be with you.
Read the $hit load of threads on these forums, every guy that pursues his wife has a wife that stays several steps ahead of him, never within arm's reach and all these guys complain that they can't get through to their wife. You let her chase you, how do you accomplish that, you do what's counter-intuitive, you move in the opposite direction of your wife. You are fine with the separation, she doesn't want to be with you, that's fine, you get a life, you start going out, you give her what she wants, freedom from you, she gets a real taste of that including what life will be like without you, more responsibility for her to shoulder, having to schedule work time and taking care of the kids which you have to do as well, finances, let her speak to lawyers, file for divorce, whatever, you're ok with it. You don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you.
In my opinion, chasing her/pursuing her and telling her you're there to fight for your marriage is just going to push her away because in her mind she is going to question what's wrong with you, what does he want someone that doesn't want him, that doesn't make sense, she wants to follow the value, you have to become high value, you have to become something that she wants to pursue, you have to make yourself scarce, you have to move on, you have to appear that you've had an awakening and you don't know how you feel anymore and if you want to be married to someone who could be so flakey and would break up their family so easily, you want someone who WANTS to be with you, you won't settle for less.
