Just found out I could possibly have a full-time job at an office I did some work for a few years back. This would not be a very high paying job, but would possibly be a good thing. I would jump at the chance except for the fact that I had decided - and H even agreed - that I would go back to school full time to finish my degree next month. (Taking 1 class now to get back in swing of things.) If I finish my degree, my earning potential would definitely be WAY better. Right now, with no degree and mostly being a stay-at-home mom for 20 years, except with odd things and part-time gigs here and there, the most I can make is $10-12 an hour. This job is along those lines. BUT...if would provide medical insurance (at a high cost) which we do not now have because H does contract work and owns his own company.
Here's the thing: taking this full-time job would be a huge 180 for me. It would show independence and say to H that I am "fully ready to lead life w/out him." If I knew for certain he was walking out that door, I would take it. I would need it.
BUT...it probably means giving up the plan for the degree right now, which is my dream. Yes, I could go part-time...it will just be awfully hard and take that much longer to finish. I am - REGARDLESS OF MY MARITAL STATUS - committed to remaining a great mother and close to my 3 kids - esp. my 2 boys who will still be at home. Doing that and working full-time AND going to school full-time would be next to impossible.
Also - a friend of my suggested that if I were to go to work full-time at this juncture, it might hurt what I would get for alimony and child support if we divorce. Not only that, but would be more grounds for H in any custody fight. I need to seek legal counsel on this, I know.
I did have a possibility for a part-time job which I could do easily and go to school full-time still. That, however, will not cut it if H leaves and will not provide the medical insurance this job would.
Now, one might say there are other opportunities that I don't HAVE to take this one. Let me tell you - not a lot of opportunities around where I'm at right now. I've been looking for awhile. None this close to home that allow me to still be there for the boys like this would, especially.
SO.... I'm really in a dilemma. The job might be what could push H over that line of realization that I'm prepared to move on without him. Or... it could provide him with another rationalization against leaving, that "she's got work: she'll be OK"
I was advised previously on the other thread that I should definitely go back to work full-time. I don't want to do it just because it "might get my marriage back" if it goes against my dreams of finishing my degree. BUT...I can see where it might send a strong message and help H not see me so much as a burden. I know that's what WAS see us LBS spouses as...
My heart wants to go to school full-time. Hy head says work. I need help just thinking this through.....
