I think you should take your focus OFF of him totally. Do what is healthy and productive for 8 and her healing and for her GAL and enjoyment of the rest of the summer. Don't worry a bit about what HE is thinking or needs from any of this...NOT your problem anymore. There is no rush to move on any of the D stuff, unless there are things you need to do to protect yourself, right? You don't have to push for any of it, unless it benefits YOU in some way. And you don't have to be his friend either.
His refusal to speak with your IC is probably a reaction of fear...fear that he will have to admit blame for his part of this and he's not man enough to do that yet. Stems back to his staunch refusal to go to MC with you too. He knows in his heart that there IS fault on his end...just doesn't want to own anything. He's grown accustomed in his mind to blaming you for everything, and all of the smileys and superlatives may be his lame attempt to convey to you how "great" his life is now. Whatever.
If one day, WAY down the road, H chooses to grow up and join the world of mature human beings, you have the opportunity to reopen that door to him. IF, that is, you still want to. Your "what if's" and "If only's" sound to me like you still harbor WAY more of your share of blame for the demise of the R--CUT THAT OUT!!! You may NEVER in this lifetime hear him admit his role or utter a real apology. I have all the compassion in the world for you, sister, we're birds of a feather. If I were in your shoes, I'm sure I'd be doing the same things, so ((((EIGHT))))
