QS, I think it's important here that you know it isn't that anyone doesn't expect you to feel pain and sorrow. It's that the confident, raining fire, QS was in better control of his actions and therefore, more able to do the work of DBing and tough love. And THAT is what produces results.
It is perfectly normal to feel sorrow in this situation. If you allow yourself to wallow, however, you will do nothing that provides you the fight to bring about happiness in your life, whether it includes W or not.
I almost feel like telling you to just stop the intel...and stop focusing emotional energy on W at all. Focus it all on yourself... and your remaining doggie. (Pup or Allen can tell you if you truly need to stop the intel.) I just feel it is a huge emotional drain on you. It stops the positive changes and the work on you.
I have 3 kids so I know it's easier for me to be positive, for their sakes. It's also harder in the sense of contemplating being left and having to devastate these 3 innocent souls...but it does provide me with motivation to get my behind in gear every day.
Is their some sort of group you can join? Church? If you're not into that - hobby? Class?
I find the best way to get out of my negative mood is to help one of my kids or help out someone who is less fortunate. Find a purpose to your life other than W. This is where I feel it's more important to me, personally, to have fulfilling meaning for life than it is to go looking for a new man to provide that motivation (but that's me).
