After Exposure - Keep It Going

[Quicksilver264]

TH, are you 2 talking at all about getting back together?

And yes Puppy, my emotions get the best of me quite alot. I AM working HARD on it.

One of my biggest FLAWS that caused this downfall of my marriage was that I was a robot, ALWAYS calm, cool, and collected hardly EVER showing emotion.

Now that I am a real, feeling human being, it's a real pain in the ass to control it.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

There's nothing wrong with being a more emotional person, QS. Just try to:

1) Not make DECISIONS based on them; and

2) Mix in a POSITIVE one or two every now and again, willya?


Puppy

[TimeHeals]

TH, are you 2 talking at all about getting back together?

Not sure right now. Went from definetly not to uncertain.

[Seeing Red]

1. And it's a 1 year lease with a pretty big penalty for opting out of it.

2, It's likely that once she moves out, I will never see her again except for the division of assets and final court appearance.

3. She went to A HUGE amount of trouble to conceal that she was looking for apartments and signed a lease.

Couple of things here:

1. It's a lease, not a death sentence. If she gets her act together and wants to reconcile, you can always sub-let for the remainder of the lease.

2. Dude! I can feel your negative vibes from here. Stop it!

3. Seems kind of silly since she told you those were her plans, right? Or is this the intel you've gathered because she's planning to blindside you?

[Quicksilver264]

Or is this the intel you've gathered because she's planning to blindside you?

BINGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I said previously that she has tried SO HARD to keep EVERYTHING from me, but my intel operation is running like a charm right now.

She is a MEAN poker player, and if it weren't for the fact that I can see all of her cards most of the time, I would be in BIG trouble. She was counting on the fact that I wouldn't know when she is moving out so she could have 2 of her friends come over and help pack and move her stuff.

And some more bad news. That guy has agreed to move in with her. She is going to only make him pay 42.5 % of the full month's rent on a month to month basis. So if he can no longer afford to live with her, she says he cam move out.

She specifically said "We can work 'something' out".

And they then chatted about how much fun it was going to be to live together, and all the things they could do together at the new place.

Now she is prancing around the house like she won the lottery.

So I AM going to stay positive here. But can some people here help me start out by listing some positive things about all this, and I will ONLY FOCUS on THOSE.

[SunnyD]

QS, I think it's important here that you know it isn't that anyone doesn't expect you to feel pain and sorrow. It's that the confident, raining fire, QS was in better control of his actions and therefore, more able to do the work of DBing and tough love. And THAT is what produces results.

It is perfectly normal to feel sorrow in this situation. If you allow yourself to wallow, however, you will do nothing that provides you the fight to bring about happiness in your life, whether it includes W or not.

I almost feel like telling you to just stop the intel...and stop focusing emotional energy on W at all. Focus it all on yourself... and your remaining doggie. (Pup or Allen can tell you if you truly need to stop the intel.) I just feel it is a huge emotional drain on you. It stops the positive changes and the work on you.

I have 3 kids so I know it's easier for me to be positive, for their sakes. It's also harder in the sense of contemplating being left and having to devastate these 3 innocent souls...but it does provide me with motivation to get my behind in gear every day.

Is their some sort of group you can join? Church? If you're not into that - hobby? Class?

I find the best way to get out of my negative mood is to help one of my kids or help out someone who is less fortunate. Find a purpose to your life other than W. This is where I feel it's more important to me, personally, to have fulfilling meaning for life than it is to go looking for a new man to provide that motivation (but that's me).

[Allen A]

Get into the left brain man... you are diving into the deep end of Right Brain cove and you don't know how to swim.

Your wife and you are both doing the same thing right now you know that? She wants to think negatives and wallow in how miserable she is... and then puts a brave face on publically...

You are BOTH doing the SAME THING

I am tellin you man get OUT of the HOUSE and do something else for the night. And start packing her crap as soon as she leaves for her next trip.

Toss it into a dry storage... do NOT wait for her to pack with her friends.. you may as well slit your wrists...

In my opinion I say get some buddies together to move ALL her CRAP out of the house next trip and put in dry storage...

Leave her a couch to sleep on and that's it... The rest you lock up in a locker someplace and toss the key at her feet... Pay for no more than one month of storage for it.

Right now what have you done to prepare for her moving out other than quiver?

YOU have WORK to do.. YOU move her out... why wait for HER to do it.. It's just giong to HURT you and SHE will make CERTAIN of that...

Hand

[Seeing Red]

And some more bad news. That guy has agreed to move in with her. She is going to only make him pay 42.5 % of the full month's rent on a month to month basis. So if he can no longer afford to live with her, she says he cam move out.

She specifically said "We can work 'something' out".

And they then chatted about how much fun it was going to be to live together, and all the things they could do together at the new place.

Now she is prancing around the house like she won the lottery.

This has BAD IDEA written all over it! Everyone knows rebound relationships don't work! I give it 60 days, tops.

How long did you know your wife before you moved into together? How many dates had you gone on? What commitment had you made to each other?

She's acting like a crazy fool right now, and this guy's going to get tired of her, pronto. He'd be wise to keep his stuff in moving boxes for a hasty exit...

[TimeHeals]

So I AM going to stay positive here. But can some people here help me start out by listing some positive things about all this, and I will ONLY FOCUS on THOSE.

Pack up her stuff while she's gone, and put it in storage like Allen is telling you to do.

It is going to be very peaceful when she's gone. You are going to be able to do what you want, when you want, and no more crazy drama to make you nuts anymore.

You will be amazed how peaceful you get. Then, you move on and live QS's life. You've been through a lot, but it's only going to make you stronger.

Time to let go. Push if neccessary.

[TimeHeals]

This has BAD IDEA written all over it! Everyone knows rebound relationships don't work! I give it 60 days, tops.

I wouldn't assign a shelf life to it. Could be 0 days (guy could be smarter than she thinks and tell her he's not moving in), could be 6 months.

It has CRAZY written all over it is what it has. Cue the "Looney Tunes" theme song.