Recap of previous months' moments: *H here in home on 5/30 to pack things and remove them (only drop in bucket compared to things still here); 5/30 last time physically seen or actually spoken to H *6/8 H sends text with excessive amounts of exclamation points and well wishes; also explains he paid cell phone bill (both of ours in his name) and put small amount of money in joint account for insurance payments; I thank him *6/11 H sends text: "Hiya! How are you?" I respond and reciprocate question. He says he is doing well. He says he has a package coming to the house and would like for me to inform him when it arrives. I ask if it has anything live in it, and he answers "spiders." Funny guy. He also says not to let them out of the box, no matter what they say. *6/14 Package arrives. I text H to let him know. My text says, "Package here." He texts, "Thanks! Will it fit in the mailbox so I can get it tonight after work?" I say that it will. He responds, "Thanks!" [Note to reader: The exclamation points are not well received by me. I can't explain it. They just aren't.] *6/16 H texts, "Hello, how are you today? Thanks for putting that in the mailbox. I'm expecting a my last paycheck from [previous job]. Will you let me know when it comes please?" I agree to let him know. *6/18 H texts, "Any mail for me?" I respond that it did not come (but hadn't yet run today) and that I thought he and his family were out of town on vacation (information learned from sister-in-law, not him). He says that they leave tonight, and I wish them a nice trip. He texts, "Thanks! How's your summer vacation so far?" [Note to reader: His interest strikes me as suspicious, as he has not asked many questions of me or my goings-on since we separated.] I give brief response to his question and tell him I hope his summer is going well, too. *6/18 Two hours later H texts, "Mail come yet?" I tell him that I haven't checked the mail but will text him after I do. He writes, "Ok thanks! I can come look so u don't have to if u need." I write back that I can do it. *6/18 40 minutes later H texts, "I'm just gonna come by so if it's there I can go to the bank." I write back, "[H], that's fine. I had to leave for a few minutes and haven't gotten back to the house as quickly as I thought. I just know your check didn't come yesterday. I apologize." H texts, "No it's fine I'm not angry just trying to help don't want u to feel like my mail lady . . . Coulda just told me u weren't home." I write, "I've been in and out today. I really thought I'd have been home by now. I know you need your check, and I didn't intend to hold you up. I was trying to save you a trip, too. Hope it came for you." *6/18 20 minutes later H texts, "I checked the mail it wasn't there don't rush home sorry to have bugged u." I respond, "You didn't bug me. I'll put it in the usual place (where I put his mail when it comes since he's never gotten his mail forwarded) if it comes while you're gone." No further response from him. *6/21 late at night I check my e-mail and have one from H about the "heads up" that he had officially filed for divorce *6/22 I text H about filing for divorce and asking if he had done so from vacation [Please see earlier posts for complete details]
It is at this point that I begin to further speculate and ponder H's excessive use of exclamation points and questions about my well-being and enjoyment of summer. Driven by guilt? Being nice and friendly so that I won't be mad at him? Being kind because he needed things (mail, etc.) from me? No one knows.
And more recent communication: *6/27 H e-mails, "The cellphone bill is due...it is $247...do you have half of it? I'm gonna do a transfer of liability of your line to you via the internet (you'll get email instructions from ATT) but I can't do it till we pay the bill." I write back, "in a couple days" He responds, "ok" *6/29 H texts, "Good morning:) can you tell me if I have mail?" I sit and ponder for what becomes 30 minutes, seething about his use of text smiley. He texts after this 30 minutes, "I think you might be away from the house. I'm gonna go just peek in and grab my mail and hope that's ok." This motivates me to respond. I write, "I'm at home. I'll put it in the box." He says, "Ok I'm on [road incredibly near our subdivision]. I haul @$$ out to mailbox, put his mail in, and run back in house. After he gets mail he texts, "Thank you." *6/29 8 hours later H texts, "The alarm company called me and said they sent the police to your dad's [place of business], might want to call and tell him." [Note to reader: H evidently is still on the call list if alarm goes off.] After I call father and inform him, I pontificate for 20 minutes about a response and eventually decide to send a blank text. I figure this shows that I received his text and do nothing more than acknowledge it. He writes back, "Blank text :)" Again with the smiley. Ugh. *6/30 I text H and tell him, "Please take half the money for the cell phone bill." He responds, "Ok thank you." *7/1 H forwards internet e-bill to me. No words. Just the bill. *7/2 I text H, "You have mail." He writes, "Ok thank you. I work tonight, do u mind putting it in the mailbox later and I'll come by and get it after work?" I write, "I don't mind at all." He responds, "Thank you :)" *7/4 H texts, "I never got a chance to pull the money for the cell bill from the account, sorry, is it still there in the joint account?" *7/4 30 seconds later H texts, "Actually nevermind I see the insurance came out so your part of the cell bill can go toward my part." I respond, "So what do you want me to do?" He answers, "Nothing :)" *7/9 H texts, "Morning! I put 200 in the joint account for insurance but forgot to account for cell bill so I'm gonna take 123 back, ok?" As I read this, I wonder, Am I going crazy, or didn't we have a couple days' worth of texts about this issue? I thought this was resolved. I say, "That's fine. Thanks." *7/9 I e-mail H and say that I'm working with a counselor on a coping with our situation and creating a plan for my future. I say these things: "She and I are working on my accepting the ways my life is changing; moving forward; dealing with the process of divorce; and recognizing ways I can be successful in a future relationship. She said that she has only heard my perspective, and she believes that you would be able to contribute things that either I don't realize about myself or am unable to articulate during our sessions. She has asked if you would be willing to talk to her over the phone (at your convenience) to give her some ideas about how she can better help me deal with the process. Would you be able to do this? Please take time to think about this is you need. If possible, would you let me know by Wednesday if you will help? Thank you for considering this. Enjoy your weekend." *7/13 H replies via e-mail, "I don't think it's a good idea for me to talk to her, sorry." *7/13 4 hours later I e-mail, "Is there a reason you feel that it wouldn't be a good idea? Would you please elaborate?" No response. *7/16 I choose to set another boundary with H. I e-mail, "I know the counselor would have appreciated your input, but I understand your not wanting to speak to her. This is fine, and I will still be able to continue with my sessions. Unfortunately, I feel frustrated because I didn't get a response to my last two questions. This is something else I would understand your not wanting to do, but it upsets me that I have waited to hear what you thought and heard nothing. You don't have to answer my questions. I just wish you had acknowledged them and told me that you didn't want to answer them. I am asking for nothing from you at this time except that you respect me enough to acknowledge my questions instead of ignoring them. Please don't worry about answering those questions at this point. Thanks, anyway." No response. *7/20 H forwards Direct TV e-bill to me. No words. No nothing. Just the bill. *7/22 I text 2 absolutely adorable pictures of Boxer dog to H. No words. Just pictures. [Note to reader: He hasn't see Boxer dog since the end of May, and that makes me unhappy.] H responds, ":)" *7/23 I text, "Mail." [Note to reader: STILL hasn't gotten his mail forwarded. I have never suggested it.] He immediately responds, "Thanks:) puppy is cute in those pics." I say, "Very cute. Quite a ham." *7/24 In the spirit of experimentation, I text 4 pictures of Boxer dog's escapades (including his ability to feed himself by digging through an unattended bag of dog food). H immediately responds, "Obviously he was starving." I write, "And fearful of my wrath as well." (Boxer dog is peeping around corners in 3 of the pictures, waiting for his misdeed to be discovered.) 7/25 Mail still in mailbox waiting for H to retrieve it.
Other pertinent information: *No marital dissolution agreement has been presented from his attorney to mine. I expect it will come (I'm not THAT foolishly hopeful), but my kick-@$$ attorney and I have already agreed to reject it upon receipt. There is also NO risk of a default judgment on my end. *Though cell phone bill was paid weeks ago, no transfer of billing liability has come for me. I cannot do this. H has to do it. I'll soon owe for the cell phone bill again. *H hasn't paid on any bills since March. His name is on the deed, though the house is an inheritance from my mother to me (and therefore out of his reach, legally). He does contribute, however, $200 toward the insurance (life, car, homeowners, etc.), yet $200 doesn't cover his portion of it. I have never mentioned this to him. *His mail continues to be delivered to this house. *I am baffled by his egregious uses of exclamation points and smiley faces. *I have done MAJOR home changes since he last was here in May [living room--walls painted, all woodwork painted, ceiling painted, bookshelves painted and completely reorganized, new piece of furniture and decorative accents; bedroom--walls painted, bathroom painted, bedroom furniture rearranged; kitchen--cabinet doors removed for painting, wall painting in progress, cabinets reorganized, extra/unnecessary kitchen items given away; outdoors--had my mother's car towed away (HUGE step for me), created another garden/sitting area, have planted and maintained lovely plants and flowers]. H told me months ago that he had never felt like the house was his (it had remained much the same from when we moved in; many of my mother's things were still everywhere). He also said that he didn't think things would ever change. It's a real shame that he wasn't patient enough to allow me to get to that point in the grief cycle. *I have not mentioned that I don't want a divorce since he has filed.
I don't understand the WAH way of thinking, and I'm sure I never will.
The big question is this: Is there something I should be doing at this point? Should I be experimenting? Should I encourage him to hurry things along? Should I act like I want a divorce and don't know why it's taking so long? Should I pretend he doesn't exist, like he seems to be able to do where I'm concerned?
Any and all input is appreciated. I just don't know!
