Of course we don't want you to go away. You won't believe this coming from me, but you are an inspiration to us all! Looks like KAW started your new thread for you, so "my last thread" could really be your last thread, and we'll just keep making new threads for you.
I don't know what to tell you LL. I've thought that I would be happy if my W came home even if it meant not having sex. It's been so long, that I'm having my doubts about that! I've been doing some serious thinking lately, and the reason we don't want to get divorced is because we are being selfish. We want our spouses to come home to make OUR pain go away. We don't care about their pain at all, just come home to make US feel better. Your H is home, but you're still in pain! Is it worth it! We have all learned that most D's are not about sex. There is always SOMETHING missing in a relationship, or something aggravating that forces the person away. Our spouses find the one thing that is missing in their marriage in another person, and run to them.
The key to your success is to find out what that one element is. You do bitch an awful lot LL, and I just don't think it's on this board either. Men don't like to put up with that. Hell, I would NOW! LOL! You have done enough studying to learn what caused D, how to prevent it, and how to keep your spouse at home. You know what he needs to do, have you figured out what YOU need to do????? Maybe if he gets what he needs, you will get what you need. Men take their wives for granted, period! Your life is not much different than most young married couples. You are a good mother, wife, cook, maid, dishwasher, etc. That is what most men need, a mother! I've said this before, I just don't understand why some men don't like sex??? And I've learned it a high number too, around 30% Now I'm just guessing about this, but I would think the numbers are reversed for women. I mean REALLY like sex! So the odds are against us having a sexually fullfilling marriage! Why did God do this to us????
Don't get frustrated when you talk to your H, and he doesn't seem to be listening, he's just a man! He can't help it! That's how we're made. You also know the times of day NOT to try to talk to him! I NEVER listened to my W, and look where it got me. Sure we had ( at least I thought so ) a great sex life, but I didn't have "all the right words" She tells me her and the OG aren't having sex. It's awful hard for me to believe that, but possible. I know that kills you thinking about your H and OW, so just quit thinking about it, THEY HAD SEX, SEX, SEX, OK? Hell, he wasn't a virgin when you met him!!! Oh yeah, I think he was?
It doesn't matter LL, he's home, keep him there, and you stay there too! I don't believe in MC. I don't see how a stranger can solve your problems. Besides, they are all divorced too! Sit with him, talk to him, ask him what he needs to get what you need. Tell him how serious it is. Tell him you are thinking about having an affair. Then ask him if he would be interested in being the person you would have the affair with. MAKE HIM LISTEN, my wife never did that!
