Mystik, I just quickly scanned your thread but I am seeing the weaker you currently. It feels like you are stuck in one of those currents where you don't go anywhere but in a circle, even though you are paddling! Like your dream about weak legs!

So I realize you might not want to keep getting advice and maybe you just are using this thread to journal. But Bluestar and Abbey (among others) are giving you very good suggestions.

You don't have to give up on wanting your marriage, but DON'T GIVE UP ON YOURSELF! which is what it appears is happening...
(((Mystik)))

me,34
exH,34
S,16 months
S:3/31/09-left for OW
started DBing 10/09
d final: sometime 10/10
current:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1
met in 2004