Quote: Right now your H may be happy with just concentrating on work and football and may seem like he's stuck there and won't change (was over ten years for me) ... but it is a phase and at some point will start to see things differently and his interests / attitudes will change. NOBODY stays single-minded on one track for their entire life. Who knows what it will take for the shift to happen ... maybe it you finding a radically different path to take with the way you interact with H ... maybe it will only take the kids getting older and their interest change to another phase ... maybe some irate customer to go "postal" on him ... maybe it will take the planets being in a totally different alignment. It really doesn't matter because while you may be able to influence it, you do not control your H's phases. So the question now becomes, how long are you willing to wait for you and H to get in sync?
here's the real kicker KAW,
I have been waiting for h to come around for the better part of 10 years (ok so we've only been married for 6 of those years) and it only seems to happen when I give up...thing is now we are married and I can't just break up with him...I'm here.
here's the even more depressing aspect...
while I sat and waited and waited for h to have time away from work or football...he just got busier and busier...always with the promise that in time things would slow down for him...he'd have more dependable stable help...he'd have a strong customer base..."just let me get through these few weeks" " the winters comming" "this is just a busy time" etc etc etc...I knew h would always be engulfed in his work...it's who he is...I also knew that football was important to him (ok so I worked most sundays so I didn't know just how damn important then again I think he's gotten worse with age) I figured I'd be busy with the kids and that stuff so it would balance out..thing is I am obviosly capable of doing it all and wanting it all...I am a mom...a housekeeper..a fixer of dinner and doer of laundry..a tucker inner..a book club leader...a volunteer emt...but that's not enough for me...I'd still like a full and loving and passionate (damn it I want passion) relationship with a man.
I had started to accept that this was my life..that h was tired and worked alot...that he did so to provide a good life for son and I and our soon to be born child...that h was just who he was and yes work was enough for him...only to learn that he too was looking for a r...he too was looking for passion...he too wanting a r with a woman...he just realized that woman wasn't me.
I can have myself a real pitty party over it all but I wont..it means little to me at this point.
h is home..he's not going anywhere...says he will not do "that" again as he doesn't want to live that life..etc etc...he does put forth effort (gee he did just come and ask me if I'm going to watch any football with him tonight and if it was 'his' team I would but he was gone from 2 yesterday afternoon til 5:30 pm tonight because of 'his' team and ya I know that sound bitter...really i don't care...I enjoyed myself last night here alone with the kids)
I obviosly could go on and on...
I've been through the cycles before of my pulling away from the r and his then trying to pull me back in. my fear is that I will just learn to accept life as it is..after all it is a typical m minus the a and the seperation and the almost d (but then again that's pretty typical too aint it)
I guess what I'm saying is that there is nothing now to keep me from falling into the same trap that h did...not like m means anything these days...
