Having another tough day. Took my Ds to a lake to scout for fishing locations, and had a good morning. Now I'm back at the house, with no GAL activities to distract myself with. I'm going to cook dinner for the entire family, but then I'm stuck.
It's so hard at times to cope with the sense of abandonment and loss that I'm feeling. It's hard when she's around, because despite my detachment, I want to talk to her but know I can't. Part of my life is just shut off; I used to share every thought I had with her, but now I can't.
I feel like I've spoken to my friends so much that I've worn out my welcome. I have church in the morning to look forward to, and then the afternoon with my daughters to play with.
It's been a little over 30 days since the Bomb, and I keep expecting each day to get better but it just hurts so much. I know it'll be easier when she's moved out, but that'll take months. Months that'll wear me down to nothing.
Prayer is about the only thing that helps. He seems to be answering my kyrie eleison...
Those of us who have been there can tell you what to do. You need to listen. Most of the people on this board are not going to be overly aggressive on their suggestions.
First off, if there is any passion of yours or dream that you had put away or minimized due to your marriage, now is a good time to start it up.
Also, you physical health is important. The wayward spouses actions will be emotionally draining and put stress into you. Some of it can be toxic. You have to get in the gym and get active. A good diet, multivitamin and supplementation should be taken as well.
You are going to need to get a life if you aren't doing one. I suggest spending time with the opposite sex. What your wife is doing to you, will make you less attractive to other females over time. You can restore and maintain it by having good attention from other females what your wife is doing will have little affect. Plus this diminishes the amount of cake she allowed to eat from you.
Some of the things required to pop the marriage back into place quickly are not easy or nice.
your wife has a sense of entitlement, and in her mind you will not know, or you will not go anywhere if you know. She is your best option. She is taking this for granted in her endeavours of allowing another man to penetrate her physically.
You have a short amount of time in which to act strongly, or else you will get stripped down to the bone like many of us have. You do not want to know how it feels to be degraded to the sense of little self worth, even to the point where you cannot get an erection.
I'd start doing things I like to do several times a week, taking care of my body, handling my business, and do some dates with the opposite sex or be where they are at. Be attractive, and if you are not, get it back. You have to do it anyway, and don't be stupid like the rest of us for as long as we have.
The other thing thats crucial, if you want your marriage back, is the affair has to be blown apart. Decisively, and strongly - do not tell them what you are going to do, do it and make sure its done to completion.
I don't believe there's an OM. At least no hard evidence, though some circumstantial evidence. There might be a well-hidden EA, but there also might be a tooth fairy. I think my wife has really decided that she'd rather live alone than live with me. (ouch that hurts to type). Our MC said she sees no sign of another party, and my sister works with my W, and hasn't seen anything funky either. Nothing on FB, email, phone records, anything. My wife isn't very computer savvy, so I doubt she knows all the tricks I'd pull if I was in an A.
I'm working out, and have lost about 40 pounds the last 2 months. I'm getting new clothes since my stuff doesn't fit, I'm eating much much better than ever, and trying to spend as much time with my Ds as possible. Sleep is the biggest problem, I tend to wake up around 2am everynight and have a hard time falling back to sleep.
I have to agree that being around the opposite sex helps tremendously, but my options are really limited right now. I can't date anyone until she moves out, and I'm not the type to troll the local bars. Flirting is fun, but coming home to a cold bedroom sucks.
My biggest passion is to write my Great Novel. I've been freelance writing for over a decade, and have a great idea for my book, but concentrating on my writing is very difficult right now. I'm kind of saving that for when she's out of the house. Maybe I need to work on it now...
Read a great quote out of "Wild at Heart:" Forgiveness is setting a prisoner free, and realizing you were the prisoner.
My wife clearly has noticed the changes in me, and seems sad. I've truly accepted that this separation is going to happen, and probably end up in a D.
We had discussed selling our house and both getting apartments, but now I'm reconsidering. I can swing the mortgage and bills on my own (just barely), and I think that our daughters would be better off with one of their residences being this home.
I don't really care what my wife will think about this. It's my home, I'm not the one breaking vows. She had probably hoped that she would get some of the sale proceeds, but if we sold, it would be going to pay off our debts.
If she tries to fight me on this, it'll get ugly. She can't pay for half of her load of the debt, and definitely can't support the mortgage, much less any other bills. We have talked about joint custody, so I don't expect to have to pay her any support, though I don't know about alimony. I'm meeting with a lawyer tomorrow to talk about all this sh#t.
She goes on her "Couples Week at the Lake" next weekend. I'll bet she's going to be real popular with all the husbands hoping to have a nice, relaxing time at the lake. Her BFF who has been saying we need a D for ages, will be there, so I'm sure that my W will be
Now my wife feels like she needs to tell me where she's going, and what she's doing. My indifference is really affecting her. I'm sure this will get interesting in the coming weeks.
Here's another wrinkle to our sitch. My wife is very slow in making any decisions towards separating. Oh, she's decided we should, but her actions are slow. She seems to be taking her time in finding a place to stay, figuring out her budget, etc.
Should I just let things roll, or should I push her towards a speedier separation?
W just called from work to tell me that she's found a home for our Golden Retriever, and then she asked if it was okay to call tonight to say goodnight to our Ds. I said why wouldn't it be, and she said that I didn't want to talk to her. I told her that wasn't true.
Pushing my buttons again to get a response and take my temperature.
Here's another wrinkle to our sitch. My wife is very slow in making any decisions towards separating. Oh, she's decided we should, but her actions are slow. She seems to be taking her time in finding a place to stay, figuring out her budget, etc.
Should I just let things roll, or should I push her towards a speedier separation?
it's not a wrinkle, it's called living in limbo, a lot of WAS's do this, they take their time because they can't make a decision whether or not to stay or go.
W just called from work to tell me that she's found a home for our Golden Retriever, and then she asked if it was okay to call tonight to say goodnight to our Ds. I said why wouldn't it be, and she said that I didn't want to talk to her. I told her that wasn't true.
Pushing my buttons again to get a response and take my temperature.
does she still live with you guys? it doesn't make sense to ask permission to speak to her kids? I'm glad you told her that it wasn't a problem, you never want it held against you that you stopped her from seeing the kids or communicating with them.
And yes, pushing your buttons, testing you, taking your temperature (make sure it's not an anal thermometer), that's all part of this process. You know this now, so just expect it and smile with every test that comes your way, it's an advantage knowing that this will happen, you can prepare yourself with how you will respond.
Here's your attitude: "I know she was going to do this, I called it and she did exactly what I thought she would do, handling this will be a piece of cake."
you should ask her when she's planning on moving out and let her know that if she needs help with moving (packing, putting boxes in the moving van, etc.), you will help her.
But not financially, she's an adult, this is her decision, let her figure out how to do that part on her own.
