Kids and I had a great time at the Brewers game last night. Score tied at 3 in the bottom of the 9th with 2 men on base. Ryan Braun hits a line shot off the wall that wins the game! Exciting stuff.
I saw some old friends yesterday that I haven't seen in years. I think maybe 10 years for one of them. These are old neighbors of mine when I was growing-up. Everyone has been so nice and supportive of me in this situation. That made me tear up a bit last night.
We had a great "tailgate" party before the game. For those of you not familiar with that term, it is essentially a picnic in the parking lot before the game. Thousands and thousands of people cooking out, playing baggo and other games. Sharing food, drinks, stories. It really is a lot of fun.
I did have an episode early on where I was missing W and feeling a little down, but then I started in with a game with some others and forgot about it. I did break down a bit on the ride home.
It's funny too, because I actually believe that I could probably find someone else who is more compatible for me than W. I guess the problem is the "probably" part. Fear of the unknown. My history is to get comfortable and stick with it. I've worked at my current employer for more than 20 years.
All the lies she has told me, the A with the OM, her delusional fantasy life, the shitty way she treated me when I was trying so hard to change to do the things she wanted and make a deeper emotional connection are all combining to make me wonder if I should even keep trying or just move on. I really think that I could do better.
But then there are still these deep feelings that I have for her. And the kids.
I really do think that W is going to be shocked when she finds out what her financial position is going to be at the end of this. But I don't want her back just because of the money either.
