Not sure where to start, or end. WAW?

[john28]

Ugh. This night was ... well... ugh.

Started out great. Good dinner. Decent comedy club act, then we were driving home. She just started getting super distant. Her words were "this is just overload" and we didn't talk to whole way home.

After we got home she said she needed to go out for a drive because she had too much of me.

I'm just - broken. This is excruciating. I'm so alone. I'm so lost. I feel so desperate. I screamed at the top of my lungs as loud as I ever had cursing God for doing this to me. I don't deserve to feel like this. I've done NOTHING to deserve all this in my life. I feel so absolutely alone in my life. I feel like I've lost my best friend and my love. She pulls me up and down, rollercoaster after rollercoaster. I'm just absolutely torn to pieces.

God, why has this happened to me? I haven't done anything to deserve this. I know I said I was going into tonight with no expectations but ... you know how it is. I love my W and I want her to feel the same again. It's just so.... broken right now.

I hate this. I hate this feeling. I hate this life I've been dealt right now. I just can't keep doing this. I want to preserve myself, but for the love of my S, I stay. I allow her to continue to hurt me over and over. I find stuff out everyday that she's lied to me about. She's just not affectionate in the way I need her to be. She's so far from my grasp. I've never felt like this before. Yet, she stays because she feels bad for me, and some part of her wants to work on this.

I AM BROKEN. I AM GONE. THIS IS ALL I EVER WANTED, this life of a W and family, but it's slowly being taken from me day by day. I can't stop it.