Praying and Living

[Holly06]

hi,
not able to get online in NC. Cable is available thru phone lines, crazy.
TJ and I bought the house together, and spent the week setting it up, working together, and getting comfortable together again. As the week went on, we became more comfortable. We sleep in the same bed, but no hanky panky. Just sleeping, a few pecks, hand holding.....
And his mom passed away Wednesday. He handled it pretty well, as it was expected and she had no quality of life. He said good bye a week before, and chose to spend as much time as possible at the lake. He called me as soon as he was informed. ( I was babysitting while D and SIL went out for their 3rd anniversary). He made arrangements to leave 1 1/2 days early to be at the visitation and funeral, the girls all made arrangements, and I was afraid I was going to be left out. I accepted it, as this was about TJ, and his family, and if I was there and it was awkward, I just wanted to honor his grief and not impose. But I did venture the question, and was pleasantly surprised when he said it would be nice if I came. So I am. I drove home, and will go up to our hometown tomorrow, and here is the kicker: TJ invited me up to the MLC cave. Yup. I go to ground zero. We will share a room again with the girls there. I will see his family, and possibly introduced to business associates again. It is daunting. I am psyching up for a peaceful acceptance of the enemy territory..... will be interesting.
So we continue to move around in the vicinity of reconnection. It is lovely to have him back in my life. Even if this is all there will ever be.
The lack of intimacy is interesting. It is not a complete relationship, it is without declaration of love and devotion. As it is now, we can have a whole courtship. He is being very careful with me, and our relationship. He is not risking it by moving too fast. Go figure that one out, since he arranged the whole house-buying excursion.!!!!!
One of the most amazing dimension of this process: I have kept in contact with TJ's sister, and she is very supportive. She also has a close relationship with God, that anyone would envy. She has been guided by, and talked to by God, and she has been surprisingly accurate, and has stong convictions. She told me back in Feb. that she felt very strongly, that TJ and I would have to have a lengthy friendship before our M would be restored. I truly believe I am following His Will. It gives me such peace.
I hope posting our reconnection (or touch and go!!) will give some insite into your own situation. I have tried to share what choices I have made, and those that have contributed to whatever outcome is coming my way.
God Bless you on your journey. I wish you all a complete happiness. Soon.