How do I save my marriage to husband in MLC?

[RLay1100]

Thank you, Cat. Thank you EVERYONE who has read and responded. No matter the words I type, I can not convey to you HOW MUCH it means to me to be able to share the horror I had to keep hidden for so many years and get nothing but honest, positive feedback and support.

Eric, it did help to write about the abuse. My counselors have been bugging me for weeks to write about the abuse I endured in the M, but I had not been able to until I came here this morning. I have read your story, Eric, and I found it so heartbreaking, but inspirational. After reading through your story again last night, I felt that I should at least TRY to write it out. I was so upset as I wrote out the details this morning, but now I am feeling some relief. Although I have only told a few people about what I went through, each time I feel a little stronger.

Thank you for not telling me I am stupid. I hear that all the time IRL from those who know the truth about my M and know that I do still love him and wish I could save my M. I do still have hope that H will go through this MLC and come out a better man. I KNOW he is a good man deep down.

During one of the last talks we had as a married couple living together, H broke down and cried (only the third time I had EVER seen him cry) and said he felt like he had ruined my life. :-( He talked as if he felt he had caused so much damage to "us" he couldn't fix it, even if we tried. Maybe I am wrong, but I do think that one of the things he is running from during MLC is all the guilt he feels for being so abusive.