Ask yourself WHY you are doing it (being very friendly). If you are doing it "because that's just who I am, it's who I choose to be, and it rings authentic to me," then I think that's fine. (Just don't look for it to be effective in your DBing efforts).
If, however, your thought is -- AND THIS IS THE OVERWHELMING MAJORITY OF PEOPLE I SEE ON HERE -- "This will endear him/her to me, and make him/her more civil in the divorce action, and/or make them come back to me," then FUHGEDDABOUTIT. If anything (and I think this is especially true for wayward women/betrayed men), it causes them to LOSE respect -- and therefore, love -- for you!
So in summary, check your motives.
Puppy
This is very good advice. I'm the one who filed and pushed the divorce through, but it was my ex-husband who had the affair that prompted me to file. A difference in some other's situation is my ex wanted to restore the marriage after his infidelity, but it was a dealbreaker for me.
Anywho, it's true. if it's your nature to be friendly, then go do it. but if you think it will make your spouse more likely to return to you - at least in my situ - it was the complete opposite. The more my ex wanted us to be friends by trying to drop random txts/emails/calls. He'd ask to hang out, etc etc. In most cases, it just strengthened my position to get away from him.
If he didn't know that an affair would end our marriage even though it was something we talked about from the very beginning of us dating, then it didn't make sense to be friends with someone who had no idea what kind of person I am and what I value in friendship. Perhaps one day we might be friends after time, but more on the level of work friendships, not people I or my kids would enjoy being around for pleasure.
We do have kids so we went to some therapy sessions to learn to co-parent. I love my kids and I love that my ex is a pretty good dad, but he's not a friend.
