I have reached the same place as acorn and wished I had paid more heed to her thread. I just couldn't cut the strings that enmeshed me to our old R.
Now unfortunately I have reached the crossroads, forced into getting a D. Because I got enmessed into the D trap and got tied up in it and then held on to every baby step like something precious!
I now really "see" that I should of detached with all my heart. It was only a half attempt at it. So here I am joining in on finally reaching my last stage of this old R. Starting a new journey without my H.
Am I sad, of course I am. But I now realize that H is right; we have to end this R. It was not healthy R for me or him. So I'm setting him free, to a new life. And setting myself free of all his drama.
I don't think "he" could let go either and after Easter he did. And now so am I.
So my advice, do it now even if you are back with your spouse. You may think you are detached, but sometimes you are not. I thought I was, but wasn't. I'm letting go and letting God.
Hopefully, I can make it through this last stage; the insanity of the last stage of D; the settlement. May sound selfish, but I'm looking out for me in all this mess, whether H likes it or not. I need a new start and he needs to grow-up and be responsible for what HE has done. We both will have to "give up" things, I know I have been doing that for the last year. Now it is his turn to give.
If you don't detach, you will never make your M work, you will just go back to the same old crap. So if you have the chance to save your M; detach, it will be the best gift you can give yourself.
