LSG, I think there is always hope... you never know what will happen in the future. My situation is very similar to yours. My W had an affair with a co-worker. After she shared the A with me, I asked her to end it, as I wanted to work on the M. She did, but still remained friends with the other man. My W fell back in love with me, but she also had feeling for the OM. Since the feelings for the OM were these strong “in love” feelings, it was difficult for me to compete. She has since moved out and filed for D. My situation has progressed a little more than yours, and I still have hope – it's because of the vows, promises, etc. that WE made in front of each other, God, family & friends.
Anyway, you can get over a lot of the emotions you're feeling now... just keep in mind that it's important to follow your values/principles and not your emotions. Emotions are temporary and will pass… following them without looking at your values can lead you down the wrong path…
What I’ve learned over the past year: - The “fog” or “in love” feelings with affairs last anywhere between 6 and 36 months. - Work on yourself – eat healthy, exercise, and do things for yourself. - Be respectful and polite to your spouse no matter what – don’t be a doormat, but don’t follow your emotions regarding your spouse’s statements or lies. Also, carefully listen to what your spouse is saying to you.
Remember there is always hope! Here are some great books that I read (some were also recommended to me on this site from others): How to save your marriage alone (Ed Wheat), The Love Dare, Love and Respect, Yes Your Marriage Can be Saved (Joe & Michelle Williams), Five Love Languages (Gary Chapman), and Your LovePath (Joe Beam).
Michele Weiner Davis also does 2-day intensives that you might want to look into.
