You can't have everything, where would you put it?

[ClingingToHope]

My counselor said when she sees her ex now it's like running into an old high school boyfriend and they were married 25 years.

Wow. I just don't know if I'll ever be like that.

Today I'm hating her. The day is off to a rough start. The girls are very tired. All the swimming and friends and stuff has worn them out. I'd love to just let them lay around but I only have two more days to my final vacation week with them and I don't want to feel I've wasted the day.

I hate feeling forced into decisions like these. D7 was throwing a little fit because I wouldn't let her stay at a friend's house today. It's their grandmother's birthday so I had a valid reason not to let her. But I would have been reluctant to let her anyway because I don't want to lose a day with her.

That's why I'm always willing to have their friends over rather than have them stay over. As they get older they are going to want to spend more time with friends and less with me -- so I guess I'm trying to get in as much as possible.

Part of D11's tizzy this morning was D related. She was whining that she'll never again be able to do all three youth theater shows each year because STBXW is too busy during parts of the year for D11 to always be in theater.

D11 got a little spoiled because when this youth theater group came to town four years ago she did the first one and then all three the next two school years.

It significantly added to the household stress because STBXW was spending us into oblivion on the costumes and both her and I were on committees and spending lots of time on the plays.

So last year D11 only did one play and is being told she can only do two this year.

I told her that the plays were expensive and my guess is that STBXW also can't afford her to do all three -- especially since D7 is old enough to be in them although it isn't clear whether she wants to.

I also told her I was kind of glad she wasn't doing all three because I lose time with her. When she's in the plays, she has rehearsal every Friday night and most Saturdays. Since STBXW is always on the costume committee, those are times she's supposed to be spending with me that she's now spending with STBXW.

In fact, I may even bring it up as part of the parenting plan. If I lose a significant number of nights to play activity I can get additional nights perhaps in the summer.

Anyway, that last part sent her into the tizzy about the D and how it isn't fair and ... you get the picture.

D11 has finished her shower. Now I have to put D7 in the bath and get her cleaned up for the cookout. We bought a bowl of fruit as our dish to pass. It's going to be hot and muggy because of all of the rain. I know I'd want to eat fruit.

Thanks Awest for the note. You are right. I have to find a way to be the bigger person and be able to be in the same room without hating STBXW. My parents never managed to do it so they never attended things together other than my high school graduation.

Dad came to all of my sporting events. My mom rarely came. My grandmother would though. She loved to watch me play. They wouldn't sit together though.

I can't remember if it hurt or not. It just ... was.

So that's my role model.

The trick is to be able to do things together without me getting my hopes up. That's the problem. When we did Christmas together it was like it always should have been ... light, fun, no anger or expectations. Then I found out at the end of the night that the only reason I was invited was so she wouldn't have to drive the girls to my apartment in the snow because she wanted to go partying with her small-town friend --- and whoever else might be there.

That was extremely painful because I had my hopes up.

Until I totally let go I can't do the family things very often. This year I'm even considering setting separate teacher visitation schedules so I don't have to see STBXW.