VERY good thoughts, Puppy! I agree with everything you've said. I wish too that MWD would clarify this issue or do something about that article. Allen mentioned (on the other thread) that maybe it's just a way to get people in because they read it and see that no matter what, a marriage can be saved. Perhaps - but it's very conflicting. I like your perspective on looking at your motives. That's very useful.
You seem to feel as strongly as I do about this being a conflicting point, Pup.
BTM: I can see what you're saying, but as Puppy mentioned, it depends on what you want out of all of this. I don't personally want to be at odds with H the rest of my life, even if we D, but I don't want to enable his CB either! I want him to MISS what he could/should have with me and the kids.
These were some of my other thoughts:
I think LBS's do it - remain friends - because it's less painful. Friendliness towards WS brings friendliness back in some cases. They mistake that for the WS changing their mind or coming around. Maybe it is in some cases, not for me to judge. When LBS dares not to be nice, WS's get angry at times and say things or do things that hurt the LBS. That causes the LBS pain. It's EASIER to be nice: nice equals less pain. However, nice doesn't garner respect when WS is doing things he/she should not be doing!
Therefore, to me, being friends is counter-productive to trying to save a marriage. I think it's Sandi's tagline to "do what works, not what feels good"
