I've read that a woman's feelings for their spouse can be linked to their feeling secure. I think that for my W to feel secure anymore that she needs to trust me again.
I agree, and you can’t force someone to trust you. You can however, conduct yourself in a trustworthy manner. That is what builds trust.
Originally Posted By: mza8
I told her that I didn’t feel comfortable signing this agreement. I asked her if she would ever be able to trust me again. I said this would be a good way to bring some trust back. Then the bottom fell out. She said that I have done nothing since the separation to give her any reason to trust me. She said by me not wanting to sign the separation agreement when she left, that this gave her no reason to trust me. She said that I was still controlling and wanting to still do things my way. I validated, told her I understand but just because I didn’t want to sign the separation agreement I didn’t think that was a reason not to trust me.
I don’t want to sign any agreement with my commission. I will absolutely use my commission towards any shortage with the house but I don’t want to feel pressure and controlled by my W to sign that agreement. I don’t think my signing or not signing that agreement should mean she can or can’t trust me.
When someone refuses to put an agreement in writing, I immediately become suspicious. If they really intend to keep our agreement, putting it in writing shouldn’t be a problem..
You are right, this would be a good way to bring some trust back – by YOU signing the agreement.
What is it you validated? Sounds to me like you immediately invalidated what she was telling you.
