How do I save my marriage to husband in MLC?

[RLay1100]

My fears:

My nightmare is always the same: I am standing in a small kitchen cooking at the stove. My H comes up behind me and is trying to convince me to leave with him. I am scared, and softly tell him I don't want to, no. He is whispering in my ear, "Come on. You know you want me. You deserve me so let's go." Then he begins to physically pull me from the kitchen as I cry, "NO!"

I fear H is really not ever going to get better.

I fear anger.

I fear I will never get over the affects of the abuse (emotionally).

I fear that I have failed my children and ruined their lives.

I fear I really did deserve the abuse- was to blame. (I am TRYING to believe I was not to blame.)

I fear I will never know what it is like to be loved and respected and treated well.

I fear that my weakness will hamper me from ever becoming anything more than a broken woman, divorced, broke.

I am always fearful of making my H angry and him retaliating.