What I am trying to say and I don't think that you are that far off from my way of thinking. It seems to me that you might not be understanding what a MLC is. Your H is sick, he has a mental illness. If he had cancer would you feel the same way? This is no different. So you can tell me he is not sick or that you don't believe in MLC, but to be honest I don't agree with you. Your thinking on that is wrong! OK sorry to be so blunt.
If you want to continue to disagree that is fine. I am just telling you what I think.
What I am trying to say and I don't think that you are that far off from my way of thinking. It seems to me that you might not be understanding what a MLC is. Your H is sick, he has a mental illness. If he had cancer would you feel the same way? This is no different. So you can tell me he is not sick or that you don't believe in MLC, but to be honest I don't agree with you. Your thinking on that is wrong! OK sorry to be so blunt.
If you want to continue to disagree that is fine. I am just telling you what I think.
I get exactly what you are saying Lance. I do. And I do actually have a decent understanding of what MLC is, I've been reading the resources. That being said, I believe that he was a WAH before the MLC hit (and I do think the MLC is mild if there is such a thing). So yes, I do think he's sick, but he was DONE first emotionally. To me it changes things. We would still be here even if he hadn't hit MLC.
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
At risk of sounding like a cold hearted b!tch I'm gonna throw this out there ...
If H had cancer that caused him to say hurtful things, use me sexually while having a relationship with another woman , walk away from our family, blame me for everything, be unable to accept responsibility for his own life, and lie to me and our family and friends and our councellor ... you know what... maybe I would.
Would I stop loving him? No. Would I stop tolerating being treated in such manner? Yes. Would I get to know myself, find my truth, own the parts I contibuted to and vow to move forward not making the same mistakes again? Hell YES.
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
now firmly believe that H was a WAH (a long time ago, just tried to "do the right thing" for years). He's been DONE for a long time.
Why is being a WAH different from having a MLC? You are that confidant in your diagnosis and your knowledge of these things to say that?
I need to go look for the quote from you but your H was telling you things just a few weeks ago that prove he is very confused.
You turned my question around. I asked you what you would do if he had cancer? Period. Or he was in a coma in the hospital? Forget about the parts of what he is DOING TO YOU. That is not part of the question. Because that assumes that he is of his right mind.
I guarantee you that he is not(in his right mind)! Also that as a WAH he is not of his right mind.
You say that you unconditionally love him but because of his treatment of you there is a boundary.
All I am saying is that treatment of you comes from an illness. It is not him.
So yes, I do think he's sick, but he was DONE first emotionally.
PEI, Is it possible the MLC started for your H sooner than you think it did? From my understanding MLCers do shut down emotionally first, showing discontentment with their lives.
Even if one is "not of their right mind," one must still do what they need to in order to protect themselves.
A drowning man may be in a blind panic, and "not of their right mind," but you don't allow them to pull YOU under with them. Similarly, an alcoholic or a drug abuser or a compulsive gambler -- at some point, based on their treatment of you and your children, you have to say "I love you, but YOU NEED HELP. Until you get it, I can't remain here with you anymore."
I think PEI's "hate to sound cruel/cancer" answer is perfectly reasonable.
