And here I am .... H's MLC ....

[PEI]

Hey Lance,

It's true .... I will create a new thread sometime this weekend, good point! I hate to lose my quote in my siggy but maybe I'll relink my original thread and put this one in too when I create the new one.

Now there is where I am confused ... I'm NOT rushing the legal process, not at all. In Canada you can't file until you've been separated for a year and even then I don't have any intention of filing. This was his decision.

All I decided to do was move back into my house.

I respect your opinion and experience, the opinions and experience of the many that post on my thread, I really do. But quite honestly, there are pieces of the story not here. Some of which you have, some you don't. Frankly I get the impression that details matter not all to some, they do to me.

OBTW I don't think you are assessing your H correctly either.
He doesn't sound like he is done with you. Thats just MHO.

Well, I guess we'll have to agree to disagree on this one. My approach is that I intend to cross that bridge IF I get to it. Let me go back and use my hallway and door analogy again: if he changes his mind - which, let me reiterate I truly don't believe he's going to do based on the info in this thread and the stuff we're living that's not here too - then he can push that door open and step into the hallway at some point in the future. I have no idea how far down the hallway I'll be, or if I will have passed through another door, but you know what ... it's a chance HE took. "Careful what you wish for." HE wanted independance and autonomy and feels the only way to have that is to not be married to me, he wants to live his life and wants me to live mine. I intend to honor his wishes. Because I love him unconditionally.

I believe in unconditional love, and believe it or not, letting him go and moving on is, for me, the first time I have truly lived it. I love him enough to let him live his life. I love him enough to let him go. I love him enough to be honest about the truth in side of the story. I love him enough to let him make his choices and live with his consequences.

I do not believe in unconditional marriage. Never have, never will. I have deal breakers. Does that mean I don’t believe in committment? Not at all.

Committment is personal. We each define it for ourselves. Prior to this experience I hadn’t really thought about HOW I define it. Probably hadn’t thought about IF I even had a definition. If asked, I probably would have spouted off some cookie cutter Miriam Webster definition. We are all, each of us, personally entitled to our own definition of committment. Mine has changed, evolved ... wait, I need to qualify that by saying that I can only see this evolution now that I have chosen to truly and openly define it.

It, committment, has two parts for me. The first is the definition and the second is the sharing of this definition with a partner, and this partner’s agreement/acceptance. As a bride in my 20s I guess I had some idea of what it meant to me, on some level, what committment meant to me. Even as a wife in my 30s I had an idea. I can tell you that it did not involve throwing away a 10 year marriage (15 yr R), involving an A partner and being DONE without a single MC session. It did not involve lying about who he was, how he felt, what he thought for 15 years only to turn around and blame me for it. The part of the committment equation that was missing was the conversation. The communication. The agreement. My H and I did not have the same definition. I won’t make this mistake again. When I commit to someone and a new relationship (and let me qualify this by saying it could be H - I don't have a crystal ball, but it would still be a new R with a new man as far as I'm concerned) it will only be after a very honest period where we’ve laid out what committment looks like for both of us. What we expect from a partner in the low moments, when the feelings aren’t there, when times get tough and life is hard. What does committment mean then? How does it look to each of us in those times? Only when we’ve been honest and are on the same page will I be ready to make the kind of committment that takes marriage to the next level.

Oh, and FTR, my vows said I would love him, all the days of my life. That my friend, is true.

PEI