Detaching: What I wish I knew then that I know now

[sage]

I had posted this on Hud's thread a while ago because I get confused about how the word "detaching" is used sometimes...

This is the way I think of it!

So...I guess sometimes I get confused about what MY idea of detaching is and what other people seem to think it is. I personally think that detaching has far less to do with YOUR overt (initial) behavior and everything to do with your RESPONSE to their behavior. And, for that reason, I think it is not in anyway in conflict with compassion and/or a loving attitude (although I can see how perhaps the word loving is confusing the issue). I think that detachment is about unhitching your car from their car on the rollercoaster.

Here's an example:
Let's say you're out on the town and you're walking through a set of doors. You see someone behind you so you make sure to hold the door open for them. As they walk by, they can give you any number of reactions: they can smile, thank you, snarl at you, say "screw you buddy", any range of responses. Detachment, to me, is about NOT personalizing their response, good or bad, and not relating it to YOU, your WORTH, even your original action. You held open the door. What they do with it is up to them.

Sometimes I think that people think detachment is noticing someone is behind you and rushing through the door so that you don't hold it open for them. Maybe you even make it a little bit harder for them to open it themselves. IMHO, that's not detachment at all.

Now, if you cancelled all your plans so you could hold open the door, or you tripped all over yourself to get there so you could hold open the door or you weren't even going THRU the door but you will because you want to hold it open...that's NOT what I consider "loving and compassionate" behavior...I call that PURSUING.

Now..let me be clear...I'm NO expert on detaching. Heck, there are times when I even get irked if someone doesn't say thank you when I hold open the door (let alone reacting to my h!)

sage