Detaching: What I wish I knew then that I know now

[Jamesjohn]

Yes, I DO agree with that! Detaching from some situations, actions, and circumstances. NOW I DO THAT! But I do not detach from loving my H.

There's really no need to "stop loving" your partner in order for you to "detach" from them. If you DO have to do so, then there's usually something else wrong that needs "fixing" first. In fact, for me, it's the act of detaching from some things that helps to stabilize me in my "decision" to love my wife.

Maybe the word "detaching" isn't the right word to use. People tend to visualize this as "not caring", "getting rid of", "giving up", "cutting off all ties", etc. The true meaning of the word is none of these things.

It's pretty easy to "detach" from people you don't care about, or someone whose actions have no effect on your life. It's REALLY tough to do so with the people who are closest to you. Therein lies the challenge.

However, it also presents us with one of our greatest opportunities for "self-growth". It's also usually a "gift" to our partner, and can "enable" them to grow as a person in their own lives, too.

Every sitch is different, I tried it and it didn't work in my case. A case of trying and monitering. You must find what works and what doesn't.

EXACTLY! Stick by this rule, stop doing WHATEVER it is you keep doing that isn't working, and you'll usually end up on top!