Thank you, as I am laughing out loud, what do you think things are getting out of control over here or what...I'm still laughing out loud...we are ALL nuts!!
I hope other people can find the humor in this thread being brought back about now...just when you think things couldn't get any worse...JJ appears...like someone sticking out a bone to a hungry dog.
sorry this dog aint biting...it's much easier to detach and be merry when the thang your detaching from hasn't taken up residence on your couch masquerading as a husband.
To be honest with you, this here was kind of a selfish bump for me, to keep this up closer to the top, so I could keep reading it.
I think that no matter where you're at in your relationship, detaching from some situations, actions, and circumstances, is key to keep yourself, and your relationship, going. I've been having to use this a lot, especially the past couple of months.
Fortunately, it's been working for me, and for "us". It's been helping to give me some better insights into what things are "her" problems, what things are "my" problems, and which things are "our" problems. It's a pretty fine line in there most of the time, especially when you're spending a lot of time right in the middle of it, without taking a step back every once in awhile.
At least, that's the way it is for me.
Last edited by Jamesjohn; 12/18/0306:15 PM.
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
This thread is not my favorite. But you pointed something out here that I do believe in~
Quote: I think that no matter where you're at in your relationship, detaching from some situations, actions, and circumstances, is key to keep yourself, and your relationship, going. I've been having to use this a lot, especially the past couple of months.
Yes, I DO agree with that! Detaching from some situations, actions, and circumstances. NOW I DO THAT! But I do not detach from loving my H. Detaching from your partner when it is in your best interest, is differerent. When, there is no way you can work it out, or your S doesn't want to be friends. Then to detach is better for you. In my sitch, when I totally detached from H, he totally detached from me. When I complimented and was being his friend and loving from a distance ( which is more like giving H his space).That's what seemed to work at him coming closer. If that's detaching; I did it. But totally detaching, it's like you are saying you don't want anything to do with them, doesn't work in my sitch, it ended up getting me farther from my goal.
Every sitch is different, I tried it and it didn't work in my case. A case of trying and monitering. You must find what works and what doesn't.
But I just wanted to say JJ, that I did love your post! It was perfect!
I just found some humor in it, but I do love this post. Thank you for bumping it. I also like the "Act as If" post...that is MY favorite.
Quote: In my sitch, when I totally detached from H, he totally detached from me. When I complimented and was being his friend and loving from a distance That's what seemed to work at him coming closer.
Interesting Deb, as I used to think my H wanted me to react to his mood or maybe I did react to his mood, it became my mood. Now I'm noticing that when his mood is distant and I act detached and upbeat, he'll come closer.
Quote: Yes, I DO agree with that! Detaching from some situations, actions, and circumstances. NOW I DO THAT! But I do not detach from loving my H.
There's really no need to "stop loving" your partner in order for you to "detach" from them. If you DO have to do so, then there's usually something else wrong that needs "fixing" first. In fact, for me, it's the act of detaching from some things that helps to stabilize me in my "decision" to love my wife.
Maybe the word "detaching" isn't the right word to use. People tend to visualize this as "not caring", "getting rid of", "giving up", "cutting off all ties", etc. The true meaning of the word is none of these things.
It's pretty easy to "detach" from people you don't care about, or someone whose actions have no effect on your life. It's REALLY tough to do so with the people who are closest to you. Therein lies the challenge.
However, it also presents us with one of our greatest opportunities for "self-growth". It's also usually a "gift" to our partner, and can "enable" them to grow as a person in their own lives, too.
Quote: Every sitch is different, I tried it and it didn't work in my case. A case of trying and monitering. You must find what works and what doesn't.
EXACTLY! Stick by this rule, stop doing WHATEVER it is you keep doing that isn't working, and you'll usually end up on top!
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
Quote: Interesting Deb, as I used to think my H wanted me to react to his mood or maybe I did react to his mood, it became my mood. Now I'm noticing that when his mood is distant and I act detached and upbeat, he'll come closer.
Funny, that was what backfired on me! Could be it's because your H is a man's man type; domineering type, bossy type. My H isn't. My H likes to share tasks, like furniture shopping, grocery shopping, school supplies ect. He wants to be a part of decisions that are made. I guess you could say that if I had a H like yours I'd probably give him a black eye! LOL
Anything I detest is a man who thinks a woman is below him! Just my 2 cents
Quote: Maybe the word "detaching" isn't the right word to use. People tend to visualize this as "not caring", "getting rid of", "giving up", "cutting off all ties", etc. The true meaning of the word is none of these things.
And THIS is what I keep telling everyone! Thank you for pointing this out! I agree 100%. But there are those here that think it is about; as "not caring", "getting rid of", "giving up", "cutting off all ties". I have heard that this is what they think detaching is. I agree with you this is not what it means at all!
{{{{{JJ}}}}}
BTW I think we should have a thread with your name on it
Just my 2 cents 