Today was an incredible day. I got up early and got a 20.3 mile bike ride in before the heat index got too bad. Then I headed out to help my son and a friend move from separate apartments into one two-bedroom apartment. As luck would have it, both of their apartments were on the second floor and the apartment they were moving into was on the second floor. Also, my son's apartment had no air conditioning and he had nothing packed up when we started. On a day where the heat index reached 107 it was less than ideal. But, I got to spend the day with my son, doing something that was helpful to him.
Finally got done with the moving at about 7:30 and headed home when I got an invitation to go to a friend's house and swim. This person was a casual friend who has become a great friend over the past several weeks, and I really enjoyed the opportunity to swim and talk with them about what is going on in my life. It was a great night and it really helped talking about some things that I needed to talk about, but were, at times, uncomfortable.
In talking with my son, I learned how angry he is at his mother and his opinion of what I should do. I finally asked him if he realized he was pushing me in the direction I was leaning (divorce), and his response was "it's about time".
I am still praying for my wife and our marriage, but it is almost overwhelming how finished I feel. I think if she called tonight wanting to come home, I would tell her to move to an apartment and we would need to date for a while to see if it could work out. This is a big shift from where I was before, but I believe that the space I have created through boundary setting has allowed me to be more analytical and less emotional about my response.
So, in summary, I have worked hard to GAL, and in the process am beginning to want our R back less and less. I'm not completely ready to move on yet, but I do think it will happen a lot sooner than I previously believed.
Sorry so long, but I had a lot to say.
M - 43 WAXW - 42 Married - 24 years Together - 25 years S - 23 - passed away 10/17/09 S - 22 Bomb - PA - 6/23/10 - WAW moved in with OM same night D-day - 9/17/10