Wife filed for divorce...Is there still hope?

[LSG]

My thread was locked.

My W filed for divorce, and she is currently having an affair with a co-worker. We live together with our D and S. Also we sleep in the same bed, but it is only sleeping. I find that I now no longer think I want the M, and I do not see reconciling as an option. I just do not have anymore trust or respect for the W I see everyday. I do not know if I could give my heart to her the way I had before.

It is a shame that the kids will be part of this family that they want together so much. My four year old S has prayed for our family, and he says our family is "messed up." I feel so bad for them.

Is it too late? I don't know!

I told my W I would never give up on our family, and I now believe that I have given up on the marriage. I never thought I would stop trying.

It is very sad to me that I don't have "hope" anymore!!!

[Espr444]

Hey LSG,
Sorry to here about your sisuation. I cant offer the best advice, but to anwser if their is hope.. I think their always is hope no matter how little it is.

Just as a child always has hope!!! As I know my S does; even I did when I was a kid seeing my parents D. I told myself I never wanted to be here. However I know I wouldn't be here if I didn't have some hope. As tough as it is for me; try and focus on yourself and the time you do spend with your kids.

Hey talk later Hope

[DanF]

Do you want there to be hope?

I'd get her out of my bed if she is having an A. Let her sleep on the couch or move out.

My W filed for D BEFORE I ever found this place, so there probably still is hope, if you want it.

Hang in there LSG. Things will be fine one way or the other.

[luvless]

I dunno as long as that affair is going on the divorce will proceed.

hugs L

[LSG]

Hope147,

I hope there is hope. I guess maybe I should not have quit trying on the marriage. I feel so bad for you Hope147. D is such a destructive problem for so many, and the kids are the ones that suffer the most. I do try to be there for my kids everyday, and I will do my best to be there for them always.

Thanks for the Hope today

[LSG]

DanF,

I small part of me wants there to be Hope.

See she is the one working, and I am a stay-at-home father while looking for a job. I do not think she will leave the bed, and I will not either.

I will be okay, but my sitch as gone the opposite direction of what I thought would always happen.

The kids and I will be okay, but it is hard for us.

Thanks for the following my thread and your support.

[LSG]

Luv,

I know your right. I think the M will end in D. I do not believe that I could stop the D anyway now. It is so disappointing because it did not have to be this way. Divorce is going to make life so much harder on me and the kids. She may find out later that it will be harder on her too. She will have to find that out for herself.

Thanks for the "hugs."

[LSG]

Journaling (July 24, 2010):

Wife came home last night around 1:01 am to 3:00 am last night after a going away party for a former co-worker at her previous company. Today, we had a package come from her parents. Kids were happy, but W seems grumpy because she got up early since I did. I am going to take them to the ASPCA today. There are excited.

[Espr444]

Hey have fun with the kids!! My S is back home with W at family party first time I haven't been since we been together ( always fun with brother in law's) and I actuall have the weekend off. I'm going to keep busy though haning with the guys tonight.

The thing that sucks is S will be gone for 3 weeks visiting grandparents ( good for him though)!! Hey do the best to focus on being the best dad and working on u.. Who knows what will happen as much as moving out sucked it's probbly for the best.

The in house separation was not working as we were budding heads. Now just trying to have as little contact as possible unless it's to do with S.

Well later Hope

[SavingMyMarriage]

LSG, I think there is always hope... you never know what will happen in the future. My situation is very similar to yours. My W had an affair with a co-worker. After she shared the A with me, I asked her to end it, as I wanted to work on the M. She did, but still remained friends with the other man. My W fell back in love with me, but she also had feeling for the OM. Since the feelings for the OM were these strong “in love” feelings, it was difficult for me to compete. She has since moved out and filed for D. My situation has progressed a little more than yours, and I still have hope – it's because of the vows, promises, etc. that WE made in front of each other, God, family & friends.

Anyway, you can get over a lot of the emotions you're feeling now... just keep in mind that it's important to follow your values/principles and not your emotions. Emotions are temporary and will pass… following them without looking at your values can lead you down the wrong path…

What I’ve learned over the past year:
- The “fog” or “in love” feelings with affairs last anywhere between 6 and 36 months.
- Work on yourself – eat healthy, exercise, and do things for yourself.
- Be respectful and polite to your spouse no matter what – don’t be a doormat, but don’t follow your emotions regarding your spouse’s statements or lies. Also, carefully listen to what your spouse is saying to you.

Remember there is always hope! Here are some great books that I read (some were also recommended to me on this site from others): How to save your marriage alone (Ed Wheat), The Love Dare, Love and Respect, Yes Your Marriage Can be Saved (Joe & Michelle Williams), Five Love Languages (Gary Chapman), and Your LovePath (Joe Beam).

Michele Weiner Davis also does 2-day intensives that you might want to look into.

Hang in there!