TT- if you're still there. Would detaching include not asking where he's going and also moving out? Just curious on your definition. I think I know the answer to the first and had been really good at this but now it almost seems like he's DBing me sometimes and being mysterious and that's when I get frustrated and (sometimes) ask.
He now says I am the one moving things along towards D, which makes me regret trying to start talking to him about money and custody, but it's hell to be in limbo, too. I just can't understand these WAS's who announce they don't want you then just sit around and do nothing about it. It is very interesting how many LBS's I've met or seen on here who end up filing b/c they can't stand the limbo anymore. That may be me, too, which is completely ironic. Now I'm regretting having tried to nudge things out of limbo b/c it seems like he's re-determined to forge ahead, whereas before he languished for weeks on end without mentioning anything D-related. Did I just push my own D forward??
Also, I know H and suspect that what he sees as my "businesslike" attitude (in wanting to talk about money, etc) and detachment, he interprets as "she didn't really want me anyway, that's why I wanted to leave her- before she could leave me- and now I see that she doesn't really care at all about me." And I don't know what to do about that. The longer it goes on with this new H, the one who has no affection, is pretty removed, the less I do want him back.
Someone here told me that moving out doesn't have to block the possibility of reconciling, but rather might give us a chance to stop the stress and upset of living together now, give us space. I think H will decide, if I leave, that I abandoned him and he'll never entertain having me back. I know a lot of people here think their sitch is unique and the rules don't apply to it, but I DO know H and he is that somewhat insecure, passive-agressive type that wants to hear someone beg for him back and make him feel completely wanted. So this DB stuff will not work on him, I don't think. He'll just convince himself that he was right and I never wanted him or cared about him anyway. Anyone here have experience with that or a spouse like that that DB seemed to have the opposite effect on?
He's also DBing me in that I have told him I definitely am not ok with D and have many emotions around it but he probably wouldn't see it- for my own emotional safety. I think now he is being very cautious sharing with me, which makes me feel shut out. I know I'm supposed to detach- and it was fine when it was led by me and he still seemed to need me in some ways, but when I feel him detaching from me, it feels awful...
I know my thread isn't very interesting or active- I'm hoping as time passes I can post more freely on here but in the meantime, I hope someone out there is reading along. I have posted to many of you in the past- just not as NB. Thanks for those who have responded- as you all know, it makes me feel not so alone.
