I have been pretty quiet the last month or so, but I felt it time to give an update on my situation....more for me than anyone else, and possible show things can get better to those who are only just now starting down their DB road.
Over the past two months W has been telling me she loves me and trying to do little things that she tells me I am not noticing or acknowledging. She is now giving me hugs and quick kisses several times daily, something she has never done our entire marriage.
some days are still very hard and I get angry inside (controlling the emotion was a huge step in changing myself) there are even times when I still find it hard to look into her eyes when having one of my days....but I work through it.
Still have not had face to face with OM but have heard he has been getting in trouble all over the place lately, which makes me chuckle….but the big test is only a matter of weeks away, can’t go into detail to maintain my “identity” just in case.
Bottom line is my W is wearing her wedding ring (something she has not done in 9-10 years) and really trying to connect with me. She has shown remorse and regret for what she did to me and our family…I think the only “issue” I have is allowing her TOTALLY back within my heart for fear of the pain she once caused me will happen again…..
Not happily ever after but better than the alternatives.
Gman
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
It's a long process, particularly allowing her back in 100% and ridding your mind of all that has happened. However, the more happy new memories and experiences you share together, the more the negatives will fade away and evntually you will not even think of them. Yeah, they will still be there, but more like a really BAD (understatement, I know) dream, and you can look her in the eye and be releived you've all woken up from it.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
Well, I can sa, I'm nearing 9 months into things. We finally cleared the airwaves at about 3 in about OM and what went on. So, 6 months later, I'd say I'm 95%ish. But getting better each day.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
see thing is she doesn't really want to talk about it - after the exposure to myself and OM W she realized how she was just a piece of meat in OM grand scope....and i think she is embarassed by it now.
basically tells me "can't you just be happy i am with you" and "I wish it never happened"
am i asking for too much? i don't want to beat her down daily about it....think my "mind" is in limbo land now.
Gman
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
Don't beat her down with it, because that won't help. Try to appreciate what she IS doing for you and accept this for now. Eventually, after she is more comfortable about the stability of the relationship, she will probably tell you. Right now, she is probably afraid that if she tells you, she will lose you.
What is it that you want to know and how will it help you and your R?
One of the pros probably needs to weigh in here, but those are my "amatuer" thoughts.
see thing is she doesn't really want to talk about it
She needs to talk about it. You both need to talk about it. I would do some serious research (and interviewing) and find a pro-marriage therapit with a specialty, a track record for assisting couples reconcile this kind of betrayal. And then tell her that you've made an an appointment and that you've decided that this is what the two of you will do; this is a non-negotiable requirement for reconciliation. imo
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
see thing is she doesn't really want to talk about it - after the exposure to myself and OM W she realized how she was just a piece of meat in OM grand scope....and i think she is embarassed by it now.
basically tells me "can't you just be happy i am with you" and "I wish it never happened"
am i asking for too much? i don't want to beat her down daily about it....think my "mind" is in limbo land now.
Gman
gman,
If she stays on the track she's on, then you are good. You shouldn't bash her over her head behind this.
i hear what you are all saying...but i can't help to feel like i have taken her back and she got off scott free and i was/am devistated but she faces no recourse...i know silly isn't it.
i guess over time i will learn to accept it for what it is worth.
gman
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
