I'm so damn proud of you, G, I could cry. Really. In fact, I have been a little teary since reading your last post. Sigh..... Your WH was always a strange case, and you have been the perfect DBer - I'll say it again. Calm, cool, collected, and pretty near 100% consistent. You have come so far... and I guess you just need to keep doing what you are doing....HUGS and look forward to hearing more soon, particularly what you said in response to him!
Me 36; H 40 baby born in May M:13, T:15 Bomb (OW): Dec 09 began DBing: Feb WH overseas with OW old: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2027369#Post2027369
WOW!!!!! HE was the one who initiated the counselign???? I'm thrilled and so hopeful! But am being cautiously optimistic too! Yippeee! Good luck, G!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Gatsby! WOW is right! I am so happy and hopeful for you! I am so happy that your H is asking for help with your relationship and has taken an enrmous first step! Some WAS find it easier to walk away rather than fix what was great!
Did you find a MC that you like yet?
Like everyone mentions above, you are an awesome DBer! Wish I had your stregnth!
Hey guys, thanks for posting! (Special hello to Naturally Blessed.)
BD, I haven't even looked for an MC for more than 5 minutes. Gotta get back on that. I think he'll be open to finding someone else.
But he has to show consistency now. I think he will (he has sent me probably 10 texts from last night to this morning!), but I am being cautious, like NM said, until we are really in the full swing of therapy.
AND if he is bipolar... well, that's a whole new ballgame. That will be really difficult. I hope he's just clinically depressed.
And the other thing is that I have to want to take him back! I still don't know what he's done in these past 6 months... oh boy.
Oh and P, in response to him I just said 'okay' and that I wanted him to know that I wasn't resentful of him because little girl and I were living by ourselves. I said that the setup was nice because moms and babies need each other so much. And we don't have to worry about bothering anyone else with our weird sleeping habits.
I think this desire to go to counseling came from him moving out of "our" apartment. We'll see if it lasts!
ps-- I'm a kick-a** detacher, but I don't think I'm an awesome DBer. There are many others on this forum who deserve that! Gotta give a shout-out to NM!
Gatsby, thanks! I just hope I can keep my changes that I made for me and use the info for a new relationship one day! BUT I could use some of your detaching ability...hate this up and down crap on my end!
About Bi-polar- my best friend's date has it and he actually does very well being consistent as long as he is taking his meds. Seriously, he used to be angry or depressed instead of elated and depressed. Now he is mellow and sensitive...my poor best friend never had that while she was growing up. So she had to get used to a whole new dad when he started getting treatment when she was an adult!
And yes, you do have to want him back. What do you think will help you feel this way? What will you need to see him do?
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
haha- I meant my best friend's DAD! Gee you think I have dating on my mind?
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Good question, NM! What will I need to see him do in order for me to take him back?
1. Drinking in moderation 2. Valuing me above the "crowd"-- we will have to talk about this extensively in therapy (it goes along with him being critical of me) 3. Consistency with visits 4. Apology and somewhat of an explanation to family 5. Full honesty to me about what was done in "the time" 6. An honest attempt at what we do in therapy
None of these need to be perfect, but he needs to be giving a good try.
I've started planning our recommitment ceremony-- so bad of me! Jumping the gun! But it has run through my mind a time or two.
If he has been with anyone during "the time," that will require more time and effort on his part to rebuild trust. I don't know if it's a deal-breaker, but...
So that's that. He's out of town now for 9 more days, so I won't have much to say here for a while.
how he will treat YOU! What evidence will you need to see that he is truly IN THIS MARRIAGE?
I ask it because my stbxSIL's H seemed to just give up when they remarried! It's like he thinks because he came back to her and she took him back, she won't divorce him. I don't know if that makes any sense....he is just not putting forth the effort she needs. So I don't want that to happen to any of us on here!!! ANd she is just greatful to have him back....not pushing him too much. It is painful to see.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
I don't know fully what you mean, though. I guess I was thinking my list WAS how he will treat me. . . another thing I want that I didn't say was our own written vows at our recommitment ceremony. . . but maybe that's not what you mean either!
What other things could he do? Seriously, tell me!!
Gatsby, don't get too far ahead. You're still in for a lot of work. Keep focusing on yourself and your plans for GAL. Don't throw away all the hard work you've done.
