Quote: And since you are reading tea leaves , would you care to elaborate on this?
Quote: Also, H has pretty much told you he can't get rid of OW while you are still entangled in that aspect of old R... He doesn't have the space he needs to do it. Interesting, no?
You wrote:
He has given me two different and probably complementary explanations: 1. She is still there because he does not want to 'lose everything', and specified me and his bussiness. 2. He wants to make sure that it does not happen again and needs to get rid of her in his terms and for himself, not because of me.
I was talking about #2 (aptly named, lol...) Unless you can detach from this and give H the space he needs, he can't figure out why it happened, let it go because he realizes it wasn't useful for whatever purpose it was supposed to serve, and feel comfortable, as a result, that it won't happen again...
It is just like losing weight, or quitting smoking, or stopping drinking for the other person. It doen't resolve the related issues in your own life. He needs to do it for HIM. Now, this doesn't mean you don't set your own boundaries, you do what you need to do for YOU. How do you do that and give him space? It's a tricksy one that. Maybe, "H, i realize this is something you need to resolve yourself for you. I need to respect myself at the same time, so I think I can do that by giving myself X months before I take a fresh look at our sitch and see where we are then.... or.... so, I think I can do that if I set some boundaries on our current R, right now I am not comfortable with physical intimacy...."
Who knows, lol... It is scary to just let go and see what happens... But, trying to get things to go your way by making the OW about you just gets in the way of him being able to do what he needs to...
At least, that's how it looks to me... It is a sticky wicket.
, would you care to elaborate on this? 
