Puppy Advice

[steady]

It sounds like you guys are legally separated. I live in NY, and a legal separation allows for dating with no 'adultery' repercussions.

This is how I interpret your position:

If you are worried if you're actions will push your H away or bring him closer to you then you aren't contemplating a date from a healthy position.

When you are ready to date, you will date because it's what YOU want to do and you won't be thinking about the effect it will have on your sitch.

I've dated some. I did it because I felt like doing it. I didn't care whether my W found out or not. If she would have asked I would have answered her honestly. I'm not looking for any serious R and I went out to have fun. I made that known to the other person. They're grown ups, they can decide for themselves if they wanted to go out based on the truth I told them.

Now for caveat - be careful if you're wanting to date in order to find someone to help you get 'over' your H. Using another person to heal the pain is one way to make it all even worse. You need to process through this sitch and doing so will give you lessons and wisdom you can't even imagine right now. To use anything as a form of bypassing will only hurt you in the long run.

I would imagine the reason you are rationalizing like a wayward is because inside you know you aren't doing it for the right reasons. It's the same for the wayward - that's why they rationalize - to override their conscience.