Just looked at a couple of pages -- rough time for you with the OW stuff--yuck!!!!
All I can say is that the more you detach, the more space he will have to get rid of OW for his own reasons, rather than it having to do that Rs role in old or new R.... I know, it feels like it should be about you... Maybe it should.... but as long as it is about you in his own head, he won't be able to distance himself from that R — it will keep playing the same function in your M that it did when it started.
It also sounds like you're unwilling to set boundaries around what kind of R is OK with H while he is with OW. You need to choose your own boundaries, fully acknowledging you cannot change H, having no expectations he will change, and then decide what works for YOU. Who knows what this will be? DBing for one more month, quitting now, trying for 6 months, who knows???? The point is to make it your responsibility — you are responsible for choosing to undertake the risk of trying with a man who has not let go of OW. This is not a bad thing, nor a good thing, it is your choice. Accept it as such: then, when something with OW happens again, realize that how it affects you was your choice, because you chose to take the risk. Detaching means stepping out of victim mode...
Also,
Quote: Was wanting to know his TG plans so thought I would send his this email: ... Has your sister made any further plans? Is she going skiing or staying home?
Just wanted you to know that you, of course, are invited to my sister's house (about 5 hours away). My younger brother is coming in from Florida with his family, and of course my older brother and his family will be there. I am not sure if my nephew's fiance, will be there or not. I think she was coming, but I am not sure if those plans have changed. If we go there we will leave on Wednesday. I hope you have a great day! me
Ummmmm.... This seems to be mostly about managing him... walking on eggshells.... he will feel it , you know.... He will feel you all entangled in his emotions, trying to manage him... Why not just be straighforward. He is your H, you have kids... Why not: "Hi H, I'm just wondering what your plans are for TG. You are of course welcome to go to my sister's. Either way, things will work better for she, I , and the kids if we know your plans. Thanks! W"
I gotta run... Phone call... Again, just look at where you are stuck, where H has power to mess with your world, read JJs post, and try to rethink it.
Hope your life gets easier--things must be so hard for you right now... You are brave, and strong, and compassionate... hang in there...
